Monday, December 31, 2007

This is what I did in grade 5

I'm not going to bother with a true FDS treatment of this article as it truly is a steaming pile of shit. However, I will point out the first gem that popped out at me in this "what if?" BS summary of 2008.

Jan. 1: In one of the most exciting finishes in bowl history, undefeated Boise State upsets Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl when tailback Ian Johnson catches a 48-yard Hail Mary pass from Doug Flutie, runs the wrong way through the Stanford band and eventually dives into the end zone, where he celebrates by proposing to Britney Spears.

You just proposed a hypothetical where Doug Flutie is still playing college football and you expected that to be funny? My god.

What a huge dropoff

The AP may want to reconsider their faith in the critical thinking abilities of their writers.

'No, only thing that concerns me is can we stop the other guy and can we put the ball in the hole,'' Thomas said. ''And that really should be the only thing on their minds. Put the ball in the hole and stop your man from scoring and get a couple of rebounds.''

The last part may have been a dig at Curry, who came off the bench Sunday for the first time in two years. Thomas has been frustrated with the defence and rebounding of the six-foot-11 centre, who is averaging only 5.1 boards, worse than his 5.5 career average coming into the season.

So Eddy Curry is the problem because over 29 games, he has grabbed 11 or 12 fewer rebounds. Right....

Happy New Years from Doug Smith

Big night in the Big Easy

Happy New Year to all! Remember, drink responsibly, but have fun. But try not to wear any lampshades on your heads, that’s so 60s.

This is one wild and wacky city here in N’Awlins.

Went for a jaunt down Bourbon Street last night and it’s a zoo. Really. People on the balconies are like the visitors throwing food (beads) to the animals below. Not sure what that says about society, and this city, but it's not good, I can guarantee you that.

Don’t think for a minute there isn’t some worry coursing through the minds of upper-level management types, who wonder about the intelligence of leaving the team here tonight after the game.

But stay, they will.

I’m sorta hoping Mo Pete’s having a house party we can crash, but haven’t heard about it yet. Maybe Darrell Walker will have a place to go.

Or maybe it’ll be back to the room ‘cause, believe it or not, Bourbon Street is not my cup of tea.


I will pay $500 for video proof of Doug Smith partying with MoPete on New Years Eve.

Friday, December 21, 2007

This blog is a Catch-22

Because if we read Doug Smith, we are punished intellectually and spiritually yet if we don't read it, we have to spend more time doing the jobs we're paid to do (and that's no fun).

Martin's play as Calderon's backup belies his contribution as a de facto assistant coach and third-stringer when both Calderon and Ford are available. And with coach Sam Mitchell reluctant to use Juan Dixon as a backup point guard, there may come a time when they need Martin to step aside.

His logic is this: If Ford remains injured, the Raptors might have to drop Darrick Martin and sign someone who can play more than 6 minutes a game without injections of Pepto Bismol and Metamucil.

First of all, the role of the 3rd point guard on any team is that he becomes the 2nd point guard if one of the first two cannot fulfill their duties. In that sense, Darrick Martin could be considered our 5th point guard.

Secondly, while it may be true that with a healthy Ford and Calderon, Darrick Martin plays less, and his terrible-ness is exposed less, but how is that good for anyone except an ambitionless Darrick Martin.

See, there is a way out for ol' Coach Dar. Play well. You don't have to be the second coming of John Stockton, but you could be a dependable back up point guard for a few months.

How about his de facto assistant coaching aka looking pimp in a suit and handing out fundamentally sound high-fives belying his contracted obligation to play fucking basketball for us at a competent level.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

A change of pace

To read a sarcastic and mocking article on baseball players and steroids, you need only click here. I don't think I could have said it better myself.

To all the baseball players mentioned in this article - I am personally insulted that you think I'm this dumb. Go fuck yourselves.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Michael Grange believes winning begats winning

Nice truisms are nice:

5. How important is the simple act of winning to good performance? It’s something that most sports psychologists can’t explain, let alone sports writers. But if you accept the notion that most NBA players are excellent, with the exception of the small handful of superstars who are even better, winning, or the confidence you get from winning, seems to have a pretty important impact on actual performance. The Celtics started the second quarter with Paul Pierce, James Posey, Glen Davis, Tony Allen and Eddie House on the floor. Last season a group slightly better than this – substitute Al Jefferson for Davis and Delonte West for Eddie House – was one of the worst teams in the NBA and a blight on the Celtics proud history. But now they’re part of the Celtics juggernaut that his laying waste to the NBA. Now they’re poised to go on a 10-2 backbreaking run to start the quarter (at which point Garnett subbed for Pierce) and pretty much end the game. Those guys aren’t great players by NBA standards, but they’re confident, winning NBA players, which means they are playing loosely and passionately. The result is an effective second unit on a team that most critics panned for a lack of depth.

Yeah, okay, there may be something to that. The Celts are now playing for something with the confidence that they can beat any team in the league...

BUT.

What they have now, independent of the scrubs that surround the big 3 is a quick, powerful forward who demands double teams every time he gets the ball down low (more open shots for said scrubs), an outside shooter that bails out just about any offensive set (assists and spread defenses for said scrubs) and that dude who stuck around who is unafraid to penetrate (more opportunities for those lovely scrubs). And that's just on offense.

Good players (not chuckers) distract defences giving marginal players the space to perform better. On a large scale (with a few good players, and enough marginal players who realize they are getting opportunities) this will correlate to wins. Most of us thought Kendrick Perkins, Rajon Rondo the like were not smart enough to figure out to figure it out. Or to make adjustments if the Big 3 were slumping or injured. So far, we have egg on our face. But with Allen going down and the Celts schedule about to get serious, they could very easily come back down to earth. And if that happens, I suggest they sign the scrappylicious win-loving David Eckstein to play point guard.

Makes more sense than drinking the magic win potion, don't it Grangey?


Monday, December 17, 2007

Beaten to the punch

I was all set to write about this gem but someone else got to it first.

http://www.firejoemorgan.com/2007/12/seeking-new-angle-reporter-turns-to.html

Someone please bite the dog that bit Keon Clark

Keon Clark's prison term thrown out:


Former NBA player Keon Clark testified Friday that he started drinking alcohol in high school. By the time he was playing professional ball, he was drinking a half pint to a pint of gin a day. "I never played a game sober, unfortunately," said the 32-year-old Danville man, who admitted he's an alcoholic.

That would include 127 games played for the Raptors.

On the stand, Clark said the drinking that he started in high school progressed when he left Danville to play basketball at junior college and then at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas. It didn't help being in "the city of sin," he said.

After he was drafted in the NBA, he started drinking at games during halftime. "It just never stopped," he said.

I just want to know who was bartending in the Raps locker room. No one noticed he was swigging malt liquor during huddles?

Keon Clark could have been a perennial defensive player of the year. I hope he gets some help.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Taking the non-apology apology to another level

Here is how Andy Pettitte says sorry:

"If what I did was an error in judgement on my part, I apologize," Pettitte said.

I wonder if I could use something like that in any area of my life.

"Honey, if you think that kissing another girl is cheating, then I regret my actions."


Friday, December 14, 2007

Cathal Kelly is a great soccer writer

But when it comes to baseball, he's obviously content to toe the cliche line.


Plucky Eckstein to set Toronto's table

The Blue Jays have added more depth to their middle infield and a new leadoff hitter by signing free-agent shortstop David Eckstein.

Career OPS+ 89. Yay! Also, "plucky" is the nondescript Eckstein word of the day. Use it in a sentence three times while discussing Eckstein at home or work today.

The 2006 World Series MVP need only pass a physical today in order to join the team. According to Jays general manager J.P. Ricciardi, the deal is for one year. Though Ricciardi would not confirm the dollar figure, it's understood to be $4.5 million (U.S.)

"We've agreed to terms pending a physical, so let's just get the physical done," Ricciardi said yesterday.

The Jays medical staff must need to do more tests before determining exactly how small and how pale he is.

Eckstein, 32, has been on two World Series winners. Along with current Jays third baseman Troy Glaus, he was a member of the world champion Anaheim Angels in 2002. He batted .309 for the Cardinals last year, a career high, with three home runs, 31 RBIs and 10 stolen bases.

Big OPS+ of 93 last season. Also, those 3 home runs, 31 RBIs and 10 stolen bases were supposed to be a selling point.

He will bat leadoff for the Jays, a spot the club had trouble filling last year in the absence of Reed Johnson.

"That's been his role and he's always been successful at it," Jays manager John Gibbons told The Canadian Press. "He's a tough out and he really battles. He just seems to find a way to get something done."

It's not a quantifiable "something" of course, but it's really just a thing. That he does. Being tough. And battling. Might he be plucky?

Eckstein is known for housing a formidable will inside a diminutive frame. Though he stands only 5-foot-7, his hard-charging style made him a huge fan favourite in St. Louis. However, the Cardinals declined to offer the two-time all-star arbitration this off-season, forcing him onto the free-agent market.

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Oh yeah, Rudy only played for a minute and a half. This guy is a multimillionaire Scrappy Doo.

The ripple effect of acquiring Eckstein will be felt throughout the Toronto clubhouse. First, recently re-signed shortstop John McDonald will likely return to a backup role. News of the move surprised McDonald when he was contacted by the Star early yesterday afternoon.

"I had no idea," McDonald said. "Obviously, that's the position I was preparing to play and hopefully be the starter. But I don't think it changes my outlook on things. ... I know David from playing against him for a long time so I'm sure he won't mind some healthy competition in spring training."

Over/under 5 home runs from the shortstop position next season for the Jays?

It also pushes utility infielder Marco Scutaro, picked up in November from the Oakland A's, further down the pecking order.

Considering Eckstein's defensive frailties and the fact that third baseman Glaus underwent off-season foot surgery, McDonald and Scutaro might still see considerable time on the field.

Frailties? You mean, because he throws the ball like a toddler? At least he's a great... well, good... he hits singles occasionally.

Eckstein's arrival also creates another roadblock in front of former No. 1 draft pick Russ Adams, who has been unable to find an everyday spot since 2006. As a result, second baseman Aaron Hill, long projected as the team's future shortstop once Adams was major-league ready, will remain in his current role for the time being.

Our scouting for SS is obviously amazing.

There is also a question mark attached to left fielder Johnson, who had been the leadoff hitter until a back injury ruined his 2007 season.

You can make a pretty sound argument that there is no discernible difference between Johnson and Eckstein's offensive ability.

Resident baseball expert, zgall1 chimes in: "If they are both healthy (and I'd say they are equally likely to be unhealthy a good percentage of the time), Reed Johnson is about 10-20% more valuable as a hitter"

Some of the money to sign Eckstein was provided Wednesday by the club's decision to non-tender Josh Towers. Ricciardi said the Jays likely would not invite Towers to spring training, effectively ending the pitcher's career in Toronto.

Josh Towers, while the target of many of our tirades, has more value to the Jays as a relief pitcher than David Eckstein does as a starting shortstop. That is not arguable.

All this talk about pluckiness has inspired me to go find a duck to de-feather.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I see your double-entendre and raise you some alliteration

Flagrant foul fells Ford


Literary devices 4 life, yo!

CNN on FDS

The introductory sentence to this article on whether Tony Parker cheated on his wife (my answer: obviously) is a classic.

Tony Parker says he's not a double dribbler.

Associated Press, you win this one.

I don't think you even think before you write sometimes

If I put myself in Doug Smith's shoes, I can understand why he doesn't put much effort into his blog. It probably has a limited audience - hardcore fans who just want a little more Raptors news - and he knows they'll put with a few typos and inanities in order to get it. But I would expect more of an effort than this.

The Hump’s a cute name and all, goes with his real one but, really, can’t we come up with something better for Kris Humphries?

The dude known as Grunt, who gets into the comment section here every now and then, suggests Not-Haffa Bad would be a good moniker. What do you think


Did you really propose that as a serious choice? I don't get it. It's terrible. It's not even remotely funny and yet you picked through your comment section and that is what you wrote. You must have been mesmerized by the name Grunt.

Then, in reference to Hump joking around with a reporter and asking the reporter who he was,

Dude was Big Game Eric, new beat grunt from Conrad’s Paper, and the brother of Quag.

English please. Plus, "Conrad's Paper"? Though, if you think about it, I'd say that Dougie has a legitimate concern in that if people knew that the Post has some great sports writers, he might be in some trouble.

Another brilliant comment:

[Delfino] was running a few sets early in the second quarter against Dallas, with DMart playing the role of shooting guard and there may not be a more appropriate position for Martin, is there?

I could think of many more appropriate positions for Martin: assistant coach, TV commentator, clerk at drive-thru McDonald's. The list is practically endless.

And I'm done.

And then you went out and did this...

Whooooooooosh. That is the sound of the air being sucked out of my lungs as I saw this headline today.

Jays close to signing Eckstein: Report

I try to keep the swearing to a minimum on this blog but what the mother fucking fuck fuck fuck are you fucking thinking you stupid fucks? Honestly...

The guy has some mystique in this league because he is a feisty, gritty, sand-paper eating midget but you know what? He is still a below average shortstop who has no arm. In fact, he looks like a girl when he throws.

I can imagine how the conversation went between JP and one of his advisers.

JP: I don't know if we can trust John Macdonald to be our full time shortstop. Yes, his defense is superb but his bat is atrocious. Check who else is out there.
Adviser: (scans list and eyes begin to light up) David Eckstein!
JP: What do his numbers look like?
Adviser: Who cares about his numbers? The guy is like Derek Jeter trapped in my 14 year old brother's body. He is perseverance personified. Stop asking such silly questions.
JP: You're right. Do you think we can get him for $4 million?
Adviser: Let's offer him 4.5 just to be safe.

So now we are left with a Gold-Glove caliber shortstop who can't hit to save his life and an offensively mediocre Eck who can barely throw the ball to first. Awesome.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Doug Smith scores a triple-double in being an idiot

DS has something important to say:


A BIG triple-double


Big men are treated differently in the NBA, held to different standards and weighted down with different expectations.

We lionize the triple-double, see Jason Kidd pile up points and rebounds and assists, watch Kobe Bryant light up an opponent by the way he scores and dishes and gobbles up errant shots.

Damn us for liking good basketball players/performances.

And what of the centres? Of the power forwards? Of the large gentlemen who turn passes into assists? What's a Dwight Howard get? Or a Chris Bosh? Or an Amare Stoudemire? The guys to whom double-figure assists are a week's worth rather than a night's?

Let's take the LEAST heralded player from your woe-is-big list. Chris bosh averaged 22.6 and 10.7 last season (for a double-double), was an All-Star starter, led his team to the Atlantic Division title and signed an extension that will allow him to comfortably wipe his ass with $100 bills for the rest of his life.

The boy just can't get no respect, yo!

How about a Big Man Triple-Double? How about points, rebounds and free throws made as a way to give them the statistical props guards and small forwards get. Isn't that contribution, which means they are piling up points, doing their work on the boards as well as being able to stay in close games without being a free-throw liability, as good as any points-rebounds-assists triple double?

Fuck the heck? Triple-doubles, elusive as they are, are reserved for outstanding performances usually by players with extremely high VORPs in a category, like Jason Kidd's rebounding or LeBron James' passing. Oscar Robertson, famously averaged a triple-double 5 times in his outstanding career, something that will never be repeated in modern basketball. Some people thought LeBron might do it. He will not. Even Magic Johnson never averaged a triple-double.

I digress... Triple-doubles are typically calculated with points-rebounds-assists but in rare performances, 10 steals can happen and be substituted. 10 blocks is fairly unheard of which may be why Doug Smith feels he must stand up for the big man. But who the fuck cares? There's lots of amazing feats that happen to only particular players (averaging a double-double is possible for about 3 guards but a big man on almost every team does it) It's also a stat that's cool because it's cool. What I mean is, while it's indicative of a good versatile performance, it's not the only (or most statistically relevant) measures. Calculating ridiculous things into multiples of 10 makes it all less cool.

"Sounds good to me," Bosh said yesterday.

Having a big man who can make free throws is almost as important as anything else on a team with aspirations of success. It means he can play in crunch time, it means he can mess up an opponent's rhythm and his night. It means he's making another contribution.

Yeah, Doug. Making free throws is good. But, those 10 made free throws are points. 10 points. We already counted the 10 points. Remember the first 'double'? Sure, an extra 10 points is nice. 20 is better than 10. If we like multiples so much, let's call a 20-10 performance a "super double-double". Or 30-15 with 10 of those rebounds being offensive boards a "you rock the party that rocks the party" double-double. Or a double-double x2.

"To be in the game down the end, you can be up two and going to the free-throw line with 10 seconds left. You can ice the game," Bosh said.

Clutch free throw shooting. Still really good.

In the more than 300 NBA games through Sunday night, there were only 24 Big Man Triple-Doubles, accomplished by a group of just 14. There are some interlopers – like swingmen Corey Maggette of the Clippers and Richard Jefferson of the Nets – but it is a list for centres and power forwards.

Interlopers? You made up that damn demarcation explicitly to recognize big men and it still doesn't work. That's like letting men try out for the WNBA - what the fuck is the point?

That's a group that's been historically weak at the free-throw line – we offer Wilt Chamberlain and Shaquille O'Neal as evidence – but there's really no reason for it.

You think gigantic freak-of-nature athletes who can block shots 14 feet in the air and destroy backboards are just too lazy to shoot free throws like Reggie Miller? It would be nice if they could, but averaging 50 points a game is pretty good too. Or winning 4 rings.

"I think it's a lot of confidence," Bosh said. "A lot of times people will tell you you're big and you can't shoot and that kind of bleeds over into free throws. It's not that you don't believe in yourself, it's that you've been hearing this and you're kind of programmed for that.

"Anybody can make free throws with practice. It just takes time."

The impact of a big who can make shots from the line can't be understated. How many times have fans watched O'Neal sitting on the bench in the dying seconds of a close game because his coach can't afford to have him on the court and be fouled?

It's true. No squadruple-doubles for Shaq.

Charlotte lost a game this season in large part because coach Sam Vincent left Emeka Okafor – a career 59 per cent foul shooter – on the court in the final seconds of a close game against Boston. The Celtics didn't have to cover him, a teammate didn't want to throw him a pass because if he caught it, he'd be fouled. A forced pass to another Bobcat was intercepted and led directly to a winning shot.

I dunno, but maybe, just maybe, there are other things Emeka can do that allowed Charlotte to even compete with the Boston Celtics?

"You want to be able to play your best bigs (but) they have to be able to make the shots," Toronto coach Sam Mitchell said.

Howard is a case in point the other way. He shot 59 per cent from the line in each of his first two seasons, has become much more adept of late (67 per cent last year, 62 today) which means he plays more, scores more and his team wins more.

Big men shooting free throws well - it's very nice. A value-added service. Making shots is better than not making shots. Almost always.

"That puts a lot more pressure on the defence late in a game, he has to be out there," Mitchell said.

Racking up those new triple-doubles, ones reserved primarily for the big guys.

You do not get to make up a new stat, even for fun, Doug Smith. Not only is it stupid and redundant (what if he goes 10/20 from the line, huh Doug?) it doesn't even fit the category of people you were manipulating it to fit.

You're so awful, I think writing this is giving me an ulcer.

Monday, December 10, 2007

One day, writers everywhere will realize that no analogy is better than a tortured analogy

As proof, see this headline:

The tragic BCS is college football's version of Big Oil

Also, "the tragic BCS"? You might say that choice of words is a touch hyperbolic.

"How can I live now that West Virgina is not in the national title game? Oh the humanity!"

Friday, December 7, 2007

Richard Griffin actually knows stuff about baseball?

Great answer to a Jays mailbag question:

Q: So you want Burnett traded. I'm sure all Blue Jays fans are shocked to hear you say that...Give some sort of explanation. Why should they trade him? What will they get in return? Who are likely trading partners? If pitching is so hard to come by, as you quote Ricciardi as saying, then why would they trade a solid #2 starter? Look at his stats from the last 2 months of the season and you'll see what he can do. You also say you want the Jays to be competitors in 2008. Very true. What GM in their right mind would trade a player who is as ready to compete as Burnett is? You think you can get Erik Bedard back for him? Or Dan Haren? These are very desirable cost-controlled players. As you say, Burnett can leave after next season. Who is trading for him? You write this article without answering many key questions.
Ian Toye, Seoul, South Korea

A: Them sounds like fightin' words. They should trade him because the quality of his stuff outstrips the quality of his contributions and there are always teams that don't see him every day that will be fooled into overpaying for stuff that is a possible no-hitter every time he goes out there. They will get more in return than he has contributed in his two years as a Jay. The Cardinals, Orioles, Dodgers and others might have a look. Pitching is hard to come by and, as you point out, the Jays wouldn't trade a solid #2 starter — that is if they had one. The guy is 20-16 over his two Jays seasons, with 46 starts and 302 innings. That's #2 but only in a bodily function sense. His last two months were great, unfortunately the Jays were already out of it and a season is six months. His career high is 12 wins. Burnett for Bedard or Haren is very unimaginative. J.P. can do better than that in terms of filling other needs while at the same time getting a young arm back that could develop into a mid-rotation starter. Anyone that trades for him would be given the opportunity to extend his deal for another two or three years, otherwise the deal would not get done. There's a lot of anger in that question. Chill.

Agreed.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Doug Smith paraphrasing Michael Grange is the highlight of his post

Best line of Wednesday

A wag, well, okay, Mike Grange of the Globe, watches Sean Marks hit that pretty little garbage-time jumper and asks: “Is the first basket he’s scored in Toronto?” A joke, of course, ‘cause we watched Marks, one of the all-time good guys in the game, light the Raps up for 16 while with the Spurs in ’06.

Am I the only one who thinks the banter in the press box at Raptors game is about on par with the banter in the cashier line at a Bass Pro Shop?

At least Bass sells guns.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Damien Cox has a folksiness factor of 11.2

Well, and isn't that the crazy game of hockey?

Hmm, and isn't this some down-home-grammar-be-damned sports writing?

Let's just jump to the end.

Extending this period of winning hockey over 10 days, and then two weeks, and then longer, is what will define whether this Leaf team has indeed turned some kind of corner this season.

Cox Theory of Playing Good Hockey: X = Winning. Y = Winning. If X for an extended period of time then Y.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Hank Steinbrenner - so much worse than his father

Hank Steinbrenner, as aptly put by Michael Wilbon, "has all the bad characteristics of his father and none of the good ones". His forté seems to be making threats through the media that have no credibility and then backing down from then, all the while looking like a total buffoon. After A-Rod opted out of his contract, he publicly stated that A-Rod would not be welcome back with the Yankees. Well, we all know how that one ended. Now he is continuing to play this game that he doesn't understand. In reference to the potential Johan Santana deal, Steinbrenner recently had this to say:

"It's still something that we can't do," Steinbrenner said Tuesday morning. "As far as I'm concerned, it's probably off."

This came after Steinbrenner said yesterday that Monday was the deadline to get a deal done.
Now, let's teach Hank a basic negotitating tactic - non-credible threats are the equivalent of not saying anything at all except that when you back down from them, you look like an idiot. This is the most basic game theory lesson imaginable and it is something that even someone without any formal training in the discipline should understand.
Hank wants Santana and knows that the Red Sox want him too. There is no way that he backs out of the trade because some stupid deadline that he set passed. I'm not saying that the Yankess are going to get their coveted pitcher but if they fail to acquire him, it will have nothing to do with the comments made by Steinbrenner. The guy really needs to get some PR training and learn to shut his mouth until that time.

Monday, December 3, 2007

The Goodness Don't Lie

From the Globe's David Shoalts:

Don't look now, folks, but the Toronto Maple Leafs have an honest-to-goodness winning streak going.

For only the second time this season, the Leafs managed to win two games in succession and this time they managed to win one at home. On Saturday, the Leafs turned in their third consecutive solid effort, which paid off in a second consecutive victory, this one a 4-2 decision over Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Most astonishing is that the Leafs' best stretch of hockey in this NHL season came while their fans and the media were up in arms. After an embarrassing 5-1 loss to the Phoenix Coyotes last week, everyone was howling for the head of Leafs general manager John Ferguson on a platter, with a sizable group wanting head coach Paul Maurice's scalp for dessert. Ferguson's boss, Richard Peddie, threw some gas on the fire by suggesting he made a mistake in hiring Ferguson.

Then again, maybe there is something to the players' time-honoured insistence they never pay attention to such things. Vesa Toskala, who tightened his grip on the Leafs' No. 1 goaltender's job with his cool outing against the Penguins, claimed he had no idea the citizenry was preparing to march on the Air Canada Centre with tar and feathers.

It continues but hopefully you're getting the point. Shoalts, inexplicably without sarcasm, is pointing to a 2 game win "streak" as a turnaround in the entire Leafs/Ferguson/Peddie disaster. Seriously - 2 games.

2 games is not adversity overcome, it's mediocrity celebrated.

Headline of the Day

Ford tries to make hero out of a goat

(The "goat" being Joey Graham)

Friday, November 30, 2007

Fire Doug Smith's Headline Writer

Headline reads:

Secret to beating the Cavs lies in dethroning the King

Tomorrow's headline in the Life section:

Secret to losing weight lies in eating less

Maybe you shouldn't tell the whole world about your basic shortcomings

So everyone called Doc Rivers a terrible coach last year because he had a terrible team and lost a shitload of games. This year, you would be hard pressed to find a negative word spoken about him. Maybe that's a mistake.
''I'm never great in math,'' Celtics coach Doc Rivers said. ''So I couldn't figure out if we were up by 30. I wasn't even paying a lot of attention to it. But I knew we were playing well and, obviously, I looked.''
I shouldn't even bother with a comment but did he really say that? "I can't subtract one small number from a slightly larger number and see if the answer is greater or less than 30". Fuck that's sad.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Can we make Doug Smith pay Garbo's contract?

Beatgrog:

Q: I have a bit of a gripe with you when you say (referring to player contracts), "unless it’s your money, who cares about the money?" The reason I care is because it is my money. When I buy tickets I'm helping to pay the players' salaries. When I buy merchandise, I'm helping to pay the player's salaries/ When I watch Raps TV, I'm buying B.C. a new collar. The fans have a right to be upset when they see frivolous spending.

Erick Isopp, Vancouver

A: Here’s the thing: It’s not extra spending. The Garbo contract we were talking about has to be paid.


Dear Mr. Smith,

If the Spanish national team's insurance won't cover the entire cost of Garbejosa's injury then the Raptors will be paying a gimp. Even if the entire injury is covered by insurance, the rates go up which costs the team more money and Jorge is still out for the season instead of playing basketball which is what we signed him to a multi-million dollar contract to do for us (instead of playing a meaningless tournament).

As well, as ZGall mentioned only a few days ago, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S NOT OUR MONEY BECAUSE THERE IS A MOTHER FUCKING SALARY CAP. This argument will henceforth be known as 'CAP CAP CAP' so we'll never be forced to waste our time articulating how dumb and uninformed you are about this issue.

Kind regards,

DaBittaUrb

The Dog Ate Matt Stajan's Common Sense

From The Star:
Concerning the shootout malaise:

"We're running into hot goalies maybe," said forward Matt Stajan. "I don't know what to say about the shootout.

That's it, Stajy. Every goalie goes hot just as they're about to face Leafs shooters.

"It just hasn't been our thing the last few years."

Neither has the playoffs.

Already this season the Maple Leafs are 0-3 in the shootout. They're 7-17 since it was introduced at the start of the 2005-06 season.

For a team that missed the playoffs by one point last year, and two points in 2005-06, that's a lot of opportunities missed.

Maybe there's something wrong with their sticks?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Make Like a Tree and Get The Fuck Out

Dave Perkins from the Star writes:

Lack of damage control unseemly, even for Leafs


Credit the Maple Leafs for not taking the easy way out the door that Richard Peddie has opened for them by throwing his general manager under the bus.

For putting together such a masterful hockey team, Peddie should be giving John Ferguson Jr. foot rubs.

Not yet, anyway.

The players were given the opportunity to shrug their shoulders and blame strictly the GM for what ails this team, since upper management seems to have done so officially with its shabby public treatment of John Ferguson Jr.

"Not our fault," the players can say if they choose to look the other way while shaving.

No they can't! This ain't basketball. No one on this team is Kobe Bryant. The players can't blame the GM because Fergie's screw up was putting all these guys on a team and expecting them to win hockey games.

"Fire the GM," said Pavel Kubina yesterday after a predictable shootout loss to the Montreal Canadiens. "Any idiot who signs me to score points for their hockey team is obviously unqualified for their job."

They earned the benefit of the doubt last night against the Montreal Canadiens. They lost 4-3 in one of those damnable (especially for them) shootouts. It was the energizing cap to a drab kind of game, but one that got to extra time only because Montreal has a power play that works and Toronto, these days, doesn't.

The effort was there for the Leafs, but Carey Price, a confident-looking youngster, was there in the Montreal nets, which was the difference.

You're basically saying that any goalie in or near the league can stop our offense.

Still, it's now eight wins in 25 games, a performance that won't cool off either customers or chroniclers. None of this unpleasantness will go away until the players and coach Paul Maurice get the job done at ice level, starting tomorrow in Atlanta and beyond.

The Leafs, as usual, said the management whirlwind didn't blow into the dressing room.

"As players, we're the people who control what's going on, on the ice," said Mats Sundin, who fanned the flames of hope with a game-tying goal, his 400th as a Leaf, with 18 seconds remaining in regulation time. "We can't blame anyone, coaches or management, for how we're doing. We have to take our responsibilities as players and we have to get better."

Unfortunately y'all are old and/or lack talent. You could play better, yes, but you probably won't.

The Leafs GM, as everyone knows, is getting stick from both above and below and that isn't right. His superiors seem to lack the spine and/or the decency to either fire him and move forward, or shut up, stand back and let the man go about his job. Their job is to do one or the other, not to dump on Ferguson with this talk about mistakes and mentors.

I agree. Fire him or shut up.

Below Ferguson, the players – a lot of whom Ferguson made very wealthy – are not playing worth a damn from night to night. When do they step it up and start earning their money?

When does Jason Blake, to single out one of many underachievers, score again? He had 40 last season, but is stuck on two here and was the final Leaf stopped by Price in the shootout. He could have had two or three last night alone and went hard to the net to help set up Sundin's tying goal. So at least he's giving himself chances. But the clock is ticking, on their ever-shortening playoff chances, on everyone.

They never earn their money because John Ferguson, with the blessing of whoever contributes to the Maple Leafs way of doing business, gave them too much goddamn money.

No sports franchise escapes having dirty laundry aired now and then, but where's the damage control? The Leafs undercut their GM in the summer by actively interviewing "mentor" help they felt he needed. Bad idea, as is the apparent split on the board of directors, with Larry Tanenbaum's side constantly leaking details of his displeasure. How did all these guys get rich running their shops like this?

Couldn't agree more. MLSE lacks business sense or maybe just foresight. They are ultimately responsible for the downfall of this team. Tanenbaum should fire Peddie. Or Peddie should fire Tanenbaum. Or some retired teachers should fire everyone.

Tanenbaum, remember, wants to participate in bringing an NFL team here. Won't the NFL look beyond revenues and brand-marketing expertise, see one of the NHL's flagship franchises steered on to the rocks on his watch and wonder if this is the kind of owner they really want in the lodge?

It may. But look at the Raptors. A GM with vision was brought in and changes were made that allowed the Raptors to win the Atlantic Division. You can't turn around a hockey team as quickly for a lot of reasons, but you can get the fucking ball rolling and MLSE has done that for one if its pro teams. If we're tossing around blame, let's blame the blind-as-fuck Leafs fans who shell out limitless cash on this team whether they win or lose.

Things were a whole lot easier for this team when the big topic was what Sean Avery said to Darcy Tucker.

Things will be a whole lot easer for this team when the big topic is their legitimate shot at the Stanley Cup.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

You are a reporter Doug, not an employee of the Raptors

Just chill a wee bit

You know what? Everybody’s just got to take a pill over this Garbo stuff.


I'm not that upset since I don't see Garbo as some sort of Raptors' saviour but I bet you I'm not going to like how Doug sees the situation.

He’s hurt, he has to have surgery and he could be back for the final few weeks of the season. He decided to play for Spain last summer – a decision I think is entirely justified, by the way – and his continued rehab since then didn’t go well.

Who are we to tell a guy he can’t play for his country? Who are we to know how his leg felt when he played? Rip him if you like but I can entirely understand a guy feeling no pain in his leg with medical clearance from doctors in his homeland deciding to go ahead and play.


Instead of asking ridiculous "Who are we?" questions, how about we look at the facts like a good reporter? (I will be taking the reporter role because Doug has passed on it for now.)

I would imagine that the Raptors, owing Garbo $8 million over this year and the next, felt pretty justified in telling him that he shouldn't be playing with a broken bone in his leg. When they went out and signed him, they reasonably expected that given the money they had agreed to pay him, his first loyalty would be to his NBA team and not to a team that is paying no money for his services and had already qualified for the Olympic qualifier next year. I will concede that it was understandable that Garbo wanted to play given that he is Spanish and the tourney was in Spain. That still doesn't make the decision to play on a broken bone the correct one.

As for the doctors in his homeland, I couldn't care less. First, it is entirely possible that they gave him the answer that he and the national team wanted to hear. Second, and much more importantly, if an x-ray shows a broken bone, your bone is broken. How hard is it to understand that? Was it really that difficult to see this entire situation coming?

The money? Unless it’s your money, who cares about the money?

Whenever a sports commentator uses this argument in reference to a league with a salary cap (number one offender, by the way, is Bob McCowan), I want to laugh at the lack of logic being used. I'll try and explain it simply. When there is a salary cap, that means that you cannot necessarily go out and sign another player if you threw away your money on a bad investment. Thus, even if I am not paying Garbo $4 million this year, I can still justifiably be upset because that $4 million cannot be paid to another basketball player who might provide more than Garbo's nothing.

The roster spot? With the salary slots they have available, they aren’t going to get anyone any better than anyone playing for them right now so that’s a moot point.

I'll concede this one to you, Doug.

Is Garbo ticked? Sure, he’s a basketball player who can’t play basketball. Are the Raptors ticked? Sure, one of their guys is hurt.

But let's be honest here. Garbo has only himself to blame. He was given solid medical advice to not play and have further surgery and he ignored it. Garbo built up a lot goodwill with Raptors' fans by being a rough and tough player who would do anything for his team if it helped lead to a win. I sincerely hope that he loses that goodwill as a result of his selfish decision.

Could they use him? Maybe. Maybe at 100 per cent he’s better than Rasho or Bosh or Bargnani, or Moon, Delfino or Kapono. Maybe.

It’s a crappy situation but there’s nothing that can be done about it now. The guy got hurt. That sucks. Deal with it and move on.


What a dishonest way to sum up the situation. Well done Doug.

Will Danny Ferry please show Sideshow Anderson the money?

Chadwick Von Ford writes about the Varejeo situation. If Cleveland is actually offering 4 years, $20 million for his services (and therefore values his contribution at about a Mo Peterson) they either have no intention of keeping him or they are severely delusional. I'm going with delusional.

Great quote from agent and supposedly huge a-hole Dan Fegan:

"It defies logic for the Cavs to accuse Anderson of demanding too much money on a long-term deal while at the same time refusing to allow Anderson to sign a one-year deal for less money, especially when they retain his Bird rights next year." Fegan said. "It begs the question: If their offer is truly fair, what are they afraid of?"

Man has a point. The offer should be 6 years, $42-44 million. If the terrible Cavs think Donyell Marshall and Damon Jones were good investments and Varejao isn't, I expect the reigning Eastern Conference champs to be fighting for the right to draft the next LeBron.

You can't help but laugh

No commentary. Just imagine how ridiculous this would be if it happened. Also, two prefatory notes. WP48 is wins produced per 48 minutes. Chris Bosh had 11 12.6 wins produced last year.

Okay, enough on Durant. Let’s turn to a player who entered the league with far less fanfare. Few people took notice when the Toronto Raptors signed the undrafted Jamario Moon this past summer. But after a few weeks of the 2007-08 season it looks like Moon will easily produce more wins this season than Durant. In fact, Moon might have already produced more wins than Durant will in 2007-08. After just ten games Moon has produced 1.4 victories. Durant is going to have to improve substantially to match that total this season.

Moon is not a scorer. He only averages 8.7 points per game and his shooting efficiency is only about average. Moon makes up for his lack of scoring by being well above average with respect to rebounds, steals, and blocked shots. Consequently this small forward has posted a 0.239 WP48 [average is 0.100]. If he continues to play 29 minutes a night he will play about 2,250 minutes before the season is over. If his per-minute performance continues, he will produce 11.2 wins, or about 6.5 wins more than an average small forward would offer in Moon’s time.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Mail Brog!

Q: Have you noticed that Sam frequently will call a timeout and not sub anyone in, only to bring in a sub about 5 seconds or so after the play starts back up?

Any rationale you can think of for that one?

Richard Niman

A: If I could think like Sam Mitchell, I'd be making four mil a year and ripping on beat grunts every day. But I'll give it a shot.

You heard it hear first. Doug Smith covets Sam Mitchell's mind.

Sometimes if there's a timeout called to address a particularly bone-headed play -- which is sometimes the case -- Mitchell (and other coaches) will do their ripping in the huddle and instead of showing up the perpetrator in front of 19,000 fans by immediately hooking him from the game, he'll let him go back out there for a possession or two to try and redeem himself. It's all part of the psychological aspects of coaching pro athletes.

Or maybe he just forgets what he wants to do.

Or maybe he's awful/stupid.

I dunno for sure.

You're definitely awful/stupid.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Only on TSN.ca

We harp a lot on the Toronto Star for all the poop they like to pass off as sports journalism. But the truth is, we hold the Star to the highest of standards because it is the top paper in the land and should therefore pump out the best sporty scribble. If the Star's sports section is the grand poo-bah of newspaper writing, then TSN is the daddy mack of sports television. Therefore, their own forays into Web 2.0 social media super community building blogs should be just as much fun as the Star's, right?

We're not disappointed.

From former Star writer (yes folks, this man was paid to write for a living) and current gigantic head on the screen Bob McKenzie:


Only in Canada.

It was one of those "you had to be there" moments last night at TSN.

Yet, I have a feeling you're going to tell us anyways.

That's Hockey, with Gino Reda, was wrapping up and I was on the set answering One Timers, you know, short, snappy answers to a rapid-fire succession of questions.

One of them was asking if Hall of Famers Al MacInnis and Scott Stevens constituted the best junior hockey tandem ever when they played together on the 1982 Memorial Cup champion Kitchener Rangers.

I must have been washing my hair during this gripping segment.

Not having time to do any research of course, the easy or pat answer would have been to say, yes, they are, and as a matter of fact I was at that Memorial Cup week in Hull, Que., watching them and marveling especially at Stevens' take-no-prisoners physical edge that bordered on out of control at times.

The easy or pat move I could have made was to discontinue reading this "article." I either love you dear readers too much or hate myself that much more.

But no, I decide to get glib and cute. I responded, MacInnis and Stevens were great, but I'll go with Bobby Orr and whatever stiff he was playing with on the Oshawa Generals."

You get the point. I was saying Orr was so good by himself that it didn't matter who he was playing with, that tandem would be the best. Plus, I didn't know who Orr's partner was in Oshawa.

Wait a minute! Are you, Robert T. McKenzie Jr. saying that Orr was good enough by himself to be the best OHL pair of all time? That is both glib AND cute. Chuckle, chuckle guffaw! But really, please explain your point one more time.


The show ended and producer Geoff Macht told Gino and myself to sit tight for a moment because our audio guy was going to talk to us. There seemed to be a bit of a commotion in the control room and I immediately thought, I don't like the sound of this. Last time something like this happened, I found out what I thought was an off the air remark, a bit of an eff bomb, went out over the air.

Maybe Bobby was worried someone was going to run out of the audio booth and stab him in the jaw for making them listen to Bob McKenzie talk.

So the audio guy, Grant, comes on and says, "That stiff you talked about was my Dad."

Turns out Bobby Orr's partner in Oshawa was one Chris Roberts, who just happens to be the father of TSN audio technician Grant Roberts.

Grant was laughing. The rest of the control room was howling, especially when they recounted Grant's initial reaction as soon as the words came out of my mouth. He exclaimed: "That's my Dad."

No shit. Great story. Really. One time I was playing house league basketball and some dude gave me a hard foul as I went up for a layup. I called his mom a whore. Boy, did I turn red when a teammate whispered in my ear that this fellow's mom actually was a prostitute. True story. Okay, not really - but still much more entertaining than Bob's.

Chris Roberts played four years in Oshawa. He wore No. 4, Orr No. 2. A stay at home defenceman, Roberts had seven goals and 39 points and 205 PIMs in four seasons between 1963 and 1967. He is not credited for having played pro hockey after that, but suddenly, my "stiff" comment had a name and face to it and his kid was in our control room.

I told Bobby Orr about this morning. He laughed, long and hard. Grant was going home to tell his Dad about it. I hope he laughed, too. Nothing personal, Chris.

Was this a funny event, Bob? Did it make people laugh? Did someone call TBS to check before everyone's sides started splitting?

And that, my friends, is what Canada is all about.

You go on the air and make some obscure throwaway reference to a nameless, faceless "stiff" in junior hockey from the 60s, and the guy's kid turns out to be in the control room.

Only in Canada indeed.

Canada's about poor hockey players? Sparse populations leading to "small world" coincidences? Illiterate hockey analysts writing blogs? Name dropping Bobby Orr?

I would like to whip this guy with a beaver tail.

It's snowing out now and I blame Doug Smith

Let's start with this gem from the blog:

Oh yeah, Mitchell 1, Iavaroni 0

I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would so shamelessly defend Sam Mitchell for his numerous poor decisions this year and attack every one of his many detractors unless you really liked the guy personally and depended on him liking you so that you could get a good quote. Well, at least I can't think of anyone who might fit into that category because that is a bad category for a journalist to be in.

On to our regularly-scheduled stuff. No pap. No drivel. We're going for insight today.

Pap.

Hey, stats freaks

Okay all you number crunchers out there, you know who you are. The dudes who think I’m a dinosaur ‘cause I haven’t bought into the plus-minus nonsense that’s all the rave.

Jose Calderon was a zero in Memphis, Darrick Martin was plus-6. That mean DMart wins the game for them.

Didn’t think so.


Hey Doug McSnarkerson. You are an idiot. No "stat freak" with half a brain would a) judge a player based on one game and b) use a stat as stupid as plus-minus. Do not transfer your poor logical thinking skills to us. Also, you are a dinosaur. You are fat and old and you will soon be extinct.

Q: My friend and I had a heated debate. Which former Raptor was the better player, Nate Huffman or Rafael Araujo.


Mike Yung, Hong Kong

A: That’s easy. Nate Huffman was better for the Raptors. All he cost them was money. Haffa cost them Andre Iguodala.


Ya because Rob Babcock certainly would have been smart enough to get Igoudala had Araujo not been in the running.

Everyone’s off today, the entire league, for Thanksgiving down there. (Why they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving like normal people do in October, I’ll never understand). Not a bad idea, though. Even if it means a dark night of TV. Wonder what zany reality show I can catch up on.

Why do you try and convince us that you are the folksiest guy on the entire planet? How does that image benefit the mighty beat grunt? I can't take your awful writing anymore. I am making it my life goal to replace you so that I don't have to read your wretched columns anymore.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Showing the score is harder than you might think

I recently e-mailed Sportsnet asking them why they cannot display the scoreboard on the screen during HD Leafs broadcasts. Their response is below.

Hello:

Thanks for your recent e-mail. We certainly appreciate the feedback.
Unfortunately, at this time we are currently working on ways to include
a scoreclock during our regional HD broadcasts this season.

Our apologies for any inconvenience that this may cause.

Sincerely,
Daniel Zaiontz
Audience Relations


So they are essentially saying that they just can't do it. How pathetic!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Why doesn't Doug Smith read Dave Feschuck?

From the grog:

Now, 5-5 isn’t 2-8, and they’ve got a couple new guys working their way in instead of nine, so it doesn’t suck. And given the sorry state of the East, they certainly haven’t played themselves out of anything yet. Of course, if they get to the end of the week 6-8, which is entirely possible, then I'm figuring Bryan Colangelo starts ramping up the calls to other GMs to see if there's a way to tweak this roster.

You're right, Doug. Don't question the coaching at all. The Raps should just trade everyone. I hear Antoine Walker is available.


Grey Cup: The people's football championship

A patriotic gem from Dave Perkins

All right, let's give a great big Toronto welcome to the Winnipeg-Saskatchewan Grey Cup.

Does that involve swearing in 17 languages?

To make the Westerners feel at home, we should leave the roof open Sunday at the occasional future home of the Buffalo Bills.

Just a little joke there – in reality, here's hoping everyone has a good time and the game is its usual entertaining self. That way, we'll know it isn't a Super Bowl.

BUUUURRRRRRRRNNNNN SUPER BOWL!

Actually, this is nowhere near a Super Bowl and, for that, we should be thankful.

Take it from someone who has been to about 10 of the overblown U.S. championship games, seldom leaving impressed: The Grey Cup, bless its Canadian heart and soul, is the fans' game.

The Toronto Star has paid for Dave Perkins to go to the Super Bowl 10 times? There is no god.

The Super Bowl is all about corporations and excess. It is the expense account crowd, the year's top earners and best clients for whom the tickets, at $500 (U.S.) and $600 each but scalped for several times their face value, represent some company's tax write-off.

Fucking suits with their stock portfolios and private jets and peanutbutter and caviar sandwiches.

The Grey Cup certainly has its share of high-end, dress-up events. The swells, in any society, need to be catered to, and that's fine. But scan the list of events as constructed by a Grey Cup committee that has laboured long and hard, and it's easy to find plenty of events for participants who may not be arriving by limousine.

Dented pick up trucks only!

Various parties represent all of Canada. At a couple of them, word is if the action drags, they promise to show Jiri Tlusty home movies.

Oh you're baaaad, Dave Perkins!

There's the Calgary Pancake Breakfast on Front Street Friday at 11 a.m. (who eats breakfast at 11 a.m.? Are they staying on Alberta time?)

Then there's the famous Spirit of Edmonton with a "hospitality zone'' and game day breakfast. There's also the Atlantic Schooners Down East Kitchen Party, which sounds like fun, and traditional stopping-off points like Riderville and Tigertown. At a modest $5 or $10 to get in, who can resist?

Please just read the preceding paragraphs again.

This is the one big difference between Canada's game and the big one down south. Fans will always be front and centre at the Grey Cup, rather than a necessary afterthought.

The bigger contrast? Surely it's the quality of game – there have been a few good Super Bowls, but most have been duds. There have been, by comparison, a few dud Grey Cups, but most are pretty good matchups.

Yeah, the pre grame and halftime shows are the Super Bowl are overblown and boring. Okay. The games haven't always been close. Okay. But please don't compare the quality of football between the NFL and the CFL. You will not win. Also, "slot back" may be the most fun sports position to say out loud.

Here's one more advantage to Grey Cup week: A national championship college game blended in, played on Friday evening. Sure, Canadian university sports aren't the same life-and-death matter as in the Excited States, but at least we arrange, through a real playoff system, a no-doubts national champion, not a made-up title game based on a points and ranking system hardly anyone understands.

Take that Division 1 football! I'd take the York Yeomen over the Kansas Jayhawks any day.

It would have been nice to have the Argos participating in Sunday's Grey Cup, but enough of that.

Let's enjoy what we have, since there's no telling when we'll get another chance.

I'll take that Bills game right about now.

Monday, November 19, 2007

The Big Hurt - MVP Candidate?

As noted here, Frank Thomas got a vote for AL MVP. I was left speechless and I still am.

Dave > Doug

Dave Feschuck sums up what we are all feeling:

We understand the NBA's practice-time limitations. We understand Mitchell is the coach of the year. But that year is over. And this season could pose some problems for the Raptors if they don't adjust.

Nobody's calling for an overhaul. What the Raptors do is fundamentally sound and tough to stop.

But it might not hurt to make the opposing scouts work for a living. It might be a decent idea to run something other than the high screen and roll, the two-man bread-and-butter play that has become more like bread and water, as monotonous as a prison sentence.

An offensive tweak that gets the other three guys on the floor in motion wouldn't be a bad idea. Talking to hoopwise types around the league, you get the sense that the Raptors are being dismissed as easy to peg. And maybe you hear whispers that Mitchell is occasionally too stubborn to change.

Going .500 through the first 10 games is neither a disaster nor a triumph. The season's still an open page. But it's up to Mitchell and his staff to write a chapter that everyone in the league isn't expecting.

Amen.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Fire HonestReporting.ca?

A website I read regularly, HonestReporting.ca, monitors Canadian media for inaccuracies and bias as it relates to Israel and the Mideast. It is generally an excellent monitoring group and provides a valuable service.

However, their inexplicable support and kudos to Douglas Smith over his firecracker/Halpoel story has forced FDS to take away 1302 points.

(Emphatic bold text has been changed to italics)

Calling Terror By Its Name

Cudos to Toronto Star sports reporter Doug Smith for using the Terror word and its variants twice in a report on a firecracker that was tossed on to an Israeli pro-basketball court in a game between Halpoel Jerusalem and Holon.

Couldn't agree more that acts of terrorism should be referred to as "terrorism" and not confusingly neutral language. That is not the focus of this blog. Oh, by the way, there was no act of terrorism here. It was hooliganism, remember? Also, how hard is it to spell "kudos" considering almost every word processor and Internet browser now includes spell check?



His report then discussed the broader security situation in Israel noting that:

"A frightening chain of events that ended with a security guard's hand blown up, two of his fingers severed, an arena of fans in panic and players fearing – momentarily – for their lives.

How does this statement discuss the broader security situation in Israel?

“A frightful scene in a Jerusalem gymnasium, when terror met sports, the worst nightmare for athletes normally inured to the possibility that danger from the outside could invade their world."

Hool. ig. an. ism.

“Even in Israel, where citizens live with the spectre of terrorist attacks hovering over them daily, it was too much. It was basketball. And basketball is supposed to be free of such horror”

Hooray. In a painfully misguided article, Doug Smith did not say "freedom fighting happy fun attacks" when he meant "terrorism." Cudos to you, sir. Cudos to Jason Capono. Let's go fly a cite to Candahar.

We shouldn't be afraid to use strong language to describe real situations. We also shouldn't overuse that language so that it loses its meaning, right?



Did y'all see the Golden State Warriors carry out a Holocaust against the Raps in the 4th quarter today?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

No, but really. You're not cool, Doug Smith.

From the same article,

Garbajosa, who goes through life with a substantial level of bemusement about everything, wasn't buying into the whole retribution for benching; watch me, I can still play storyline that would have been so easy to develop.

Doug Smith doesn't play up ridiculous grudge stories like those hack sports writers who lack the beat gruntness to resist inventing epic drama out of regular season games. Never caught passing chips out on shoulders. Mole hills stay away from mountains.




From his blog last week:

Think Jose and Garbo won’t have a bit of an edge to them tonight when they see Utah’s Andrei Kirilenko.

It was back in September in Madrid when Calderon and Garbo were poised to be the darlings of their nation, ready to win the European basketball championships before an adoring home crowd.

Then Kirilenko and Russia pull a huge upset in the final and Spain finishes second.

Yup.

You are still not cool Doug Smith

I do not understand what would prompt someone to write a sentence like this in a real newspaper.

Oh yeah, the Raptors shot the crap out of the ball, too, and making 12 of 23 three-point attempts will cover a multitude of sins.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

"He did play well for 20 games...How does 15 million sound?"

Free-agent catcher Yorvit Torrealba will agree to a three-year contract with the New York Mets on Thursday, according to Torrealba's agent, Melvin Roman.

If I were a Mets' fan, I'd be hoping the next line said something like, "The deal is expected to pay $6 million over the length of the contract". However, here is what it really said.

If Torrealba passes a physical, an announcement is expected in the next day or two. Newsday reported on its website that the contract will be worth $14.4 million over three years.

What? Hold on a moment everyone. This is a guy who has a career OPS+ of 80 and it has been on the decline in recent years. He was last a member of the Colorado Rockies, a team that plays in the best hitters' park. When that fact is taken into consideration, his numbers are staggeringly bad. I don't have any fancy stats for this but we'll just have to deal with what ESPN.com gives us.

Torrealba hit .296 with six homers and 34 RBIs in Denver, while he batted just .212 with two homers and 13 RBIs on the road.

So this guy can't hit at all unless aided by the best place ever to hit. If that is not bad enough, the article continues.

Rockies pitchers gave Torrealba a lot of credit for how he called a game, though he did not have a high success rate when trying to throw runners out.

Calling a good game is a great skill but I'd say that being able to throw runners out better than Greg Zaun is an essential skill at the MLB level.

Mets' fan - enjoy your starting catcher making starter money but playing with the skill of a backup.

Wait - are you sure know who that is?

So I'm listening to Steve Smith on The Score and they are talking about Yi Jianlian (pronounce that one properly and I'll give you $50). The host asks him to compare Yi to another basketball player and Steve Smith compares him to....Wang Zhizhi. I had my doubts about how apt this comparison was so I decided to write out a list of commonalities.

The list:
Chinese
Name is difficult to pronounce properly
Over 6'6"

Man, that is one impressive list. I'm in awe of Smitty From the City's analytical skills. (I looked him up on Wikipedia and that is the nickname given. Go figure.)

A coach that thinks? What has the world come to?

No commentary here. Just read and enjoy.

Now for some good news. There's a high school in Arkansas that has made the most significant football innovation we've seen since the veer option. This high school is tearing up its state and is on the verge of revolutionizing the way football is played. TMQ suspects that within a few years, the phrase "Pulaski theory" will be as widely known as the phrase "shotgun spread." In a copycat sport, Pulaski Academy of Little Rock has devised an offensive philosophy that is genuinely new, and it's winning games left and right.

Pulaski Academy does not punt. I first heard about Pulaski from Peter Giovannini of Morrilton, Ark., a high school football official who wrote me to report in astonishment that he had just worked a conference championship game in which the winning team never punted, even going for a first down on fourth-and-6 from its own 5-yard line early in the game. "As a devotee of TMQ, I thought you might like to know at least one coach in the vast football universe has experienced the epiphany and refuses to punt the ball away," Giovannini wrote.


That team was Pulaski -- 9-1-1 after having just won its opening-round
game in the Arkansas 5A playoffs. Coach Kevin Kelley reports that he stopped punting in 2005 -- after reading an academic study on the statistical consequences of going for the first down versus handing possession to the other team, plus reading Tuesday Morning Quarterback's relentless examples of when punting backfires but going for the first down works. In 2005, Pulaski reached the state quarterfinals by rarely punting. In 2006, Pulaski reached the state championship game, losing by one point -- and in the state championship game, Pulaski never punted, converting nine of 10 fourth-down attempts. Since the start of the 2006 season, Pulaski has had no punting unit and never practices punts. This year, Pulaski has punted just twice, both times when leading by a large margin and trying to hold down the final score. In its playoff victory Friday night, Pulaski did not punt, converting three of four fourth-down tries.

"They give you four downs, not three," Kelley told TMQ. "You should take advantage. Suppose we had punted from our own 5. The odds are the opposition will take over at about the 35, and from there the stats say they have an 80 percent chance of scoring. So even if you only have a 50 percent chance of converting the first down, isn't that better than giving the other side an 80 percent chance of scoring?" For fourth-and-short attempts, the odds of converting are a lot better than 50 percent.

As TMQ endlessly notes, NFL teams convert about 75 percent of fourth-and-1 tries. Yet highly paid professional coaches endlessly send in the punt unit on fourth-and-1, handing a scoring opportunity to the opposition. In the 2006 edition of my annual don't-punt column, I summarized the odds this way: "Nearly three-quarters of fourth-and-1 attempts succeed, while around one-third of possessions result in scores. Think about those fractions. Go for it four times on fourth-and-1: Odds are you will keep the ball three times, and three kept possessions each with a one-third chance of a score results in your team scoring once more than it otherwise would have. Punt the ball on all four fourth-and-1s, and you've given the opponents three additional possessions. (It would have gotten one possession anyway when you missed one of your fourth-and-1s.) Those three extra possessions, divided by the one-third chance to score, give the opponent an extra score."

Kelley says that when he began to shun the punt, people thought he was crazy: "It's like brainwashing, people believe you are required to punt." Players and the home crowd needed to get acclimated to it. "When we first started going on every fourth down," he says, "our home crowd would boo and the players would be distressed. You need to become accustomed to the philosophy and buy into the idea. Now our crowd and our players expect us to go for it, and get excited when no punting team comes onto the field. When my 10-year-old son sees NFL teams punting on short yardage on television, he gets upset because he's grown up with the idea that punting is usually bad."

Preparing the players for the no-punting future of football is a practical concern. If a coach unexpectedly kept his offense in on fourth down in his own territory, and failed to convert, the crowd would boo and the defensive players become demoralized. If the defensive players understood that a no-punting philosophy occasionally would hand great field position to the other side but overall would keep the other side off the field, they would buy into the idea. Imagine, in turn, the demoralizing effect on the opposition if its defense stops its opponent after three downs, only to realize that no punt will follow. For the 2007 edition of my anti-punting column, the stats service AccuScore did thousands of computer simulations based on 2006 NFL games and found that, on average, rarely punting added one point per game to the score of the teams that didn't punt, while not adding any points to their opponents' final scores. Computer simulations showed that rarely punting amounted to roughly one additional victory per season at the NFL level. At the college and high school levels, the bonus might be even higher.


Why do coaches punt on fourth-and-short -- and worse, when trailing or in opposition territory? "Most punting is so the coach can avoid criticism," says Kelley, who has coached Pulaski for five years and got his start in high school coaching in football-crazed Texas. "If you go for it and fail, the first question in the postgame press conference will be, 'Aren't you to blame for losing the game because you didn't punt?' If the coach orders a punt, the media will blame the defense." TMQ has always speculated that the desire to shift blame explains why big-college and NFL coaches send in the punting team. But take note, these days, the media and the postgame news conference are factors even at the high school level.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Beat grunts of the world unite

I will post any stories mentioning Hoffa and beat grunts.

Why I like Anthony Parker and dislike other people (including Doug Smith)

From the Star:

Players, fans fear for lives after blast on court during Israeli league game

U.S.-born players like ex-Raptor Tucker ponder heading home after scary incident

Smoke. Explosion. Blood. Panic. Fear.

Really, does anyone set up suspense better? Eat your heart out Tom Clancy!

A frightful scene in a Jerusalem gymnasium, when terror met sports, the worst nightmare for athletes normally inured to the possibility that danger from the outside could invade their world.

For P.J. Tucker, the former Raptor trying to cling to a professional basketball career in the Jerusalem suburb of Holon, the moment was simply frightening.

Frightful and frightening? The great word choice is great. And 17 FDS points for locating PJ Tucker, whose career seems to be hanging in the balance, teetering on the brink of annihilation.

Also, not terrorism - insanely dangerous and stupid hooliganism.

"I've never seen anything like it," he told Eran Soroka, a journalist who covers the Hapoel Holon team.

"We thought somebody shot us."

It remains unclear what possessed a 20-year-old to toss the firecracker on the court 90 seconds from the end of a game between Hapoel Jerusalem and Holon on Sunday. Yossi Malakh is in custody in Jerusalem and may never admit precisely why he did what he did, but it set in motion of chain of frightening events that ended with a security guard's hand blown up, two of his fingers severed, an arena of fans in panic and players fearing – momentarily – for their lives.

I have tried for years to understand hooligan culture and I just can't do it. I wish they could ship this piece of shit to Syria or Iran to stand "trial."

Even in Israel, where citizens live with the spectre of terrorist attacks hovering over them daily, it was too much. It was basketball. And basketball is supposed to be free of such horror.

Again: hooliganism, not terrorism.

"That's never happened before," said Toronto's Anthony Parker, who played six seasons for Maccabi Tel Aviv in the Israeli league. "Usually when they throw anything on the floor, it's not something that blows up. Maybe one of those little flares or something, or a piece of paper but that's just – I don't know – too much."

That is an understatement, but yeah.

It might be enough to bring Tucker back home, to some North American minor league where he can try to work his way back to the NBA, where fan violence is practically nonexistent, where the thought of a firecracker – or some other bomb-like device – going off is unimaginable.

"My girlfriend was supposed to come to Israel next week and now she doesn't want to," Tucker told the Israeli journalist Soroka. "Right now, I'm here and I'm just taking everything day after day."

Good idea. There's clearly a paramilitary campaign to root out foreign basketball professionals. Get out of the war zone while you can, Tucker and Tucker's shorty.

Holon officials acted swiftly to ensure the players would be given whatever assistance they needed. There was a two-hour team counselling session on Monday and team owner-manager-coach Miki Dorsman has demanded better protection for his players and steadfastly supports whatever decision the American-born players reach – even if it means disbanding his team.

"There are a few foreign players who are undecided," he told the Haaretz newspaper. "We decided that if one of them leaves, we will all leave with them."

Perfect response from Dorsman, says this PR consultant. The incident was senseless and shocking and the team should be made to feel safe wherever they're playing.

The explosion, by far the most serious incident at an Israeli league basketball game, has led to calls from all quarters for increased security.

It has been difficult in the past to attract American-born players to Israel, precisely because of the threat of violence that pervades the area. Parker, a huge supporter of Israeli basketball who remains close friends with several former Maccabi teammates, and fellow Raptor Maceo Baston say the incident is so isolated, it shouldn't deter others from going or Tucker from staying.

"I was never worried, that's why it caught me off guard that it got that close to the players on the court," said Baston. "I never felt scared or anything; that was one of my fears, that I would be, but luckily in three years I never witnessed anything like that."

Doug, you're talking about terrorism. AP and Pass The Peas Baston are talking about hooliganism. Are you really still trying to bridge this thing?

"We went through some pretty big rivalries with Hapoel Tel Aviv team, or Jerusalem, we had some pretty intense battles but nothing other than flares going off. Nothing like this."

"I can see if it was my first year over there and something like that happening it would really shake me up but it's not something that you have to be afraid of," Parker said. "It's not something like suicide bombers bombing next to your house. It's not one of those situations."


Security at Israeli games is not unlike security at NBA games. Fans undergo a rudimentary search of bags and backpacks, although that's certain to be tightened in the wake of Sunday's incident. Fans of all sports in that area of the world and Europe are known for their passion and emotion but the Sunday scare went far over the line.

"I remember we were in Greece and they started throwing lighters and coins and spitting on you," said Parker. "I mean that was worse than anything that happened to me in Israel."

2324.9 context points for Parker. I understand the newsworthiness of players' safety being breached. But shut up with this terrorism shit. You're more at risk playing for the Wizards than any Israeli team.

How to feed an insatiable media appetite for a mediocre team

The front page of the sports section in the Sun today is dedicated to Leafs' rookie Jiri Tlusty's little photoshoot. We've had the violence, so I guess the nudity story was inevitable. (4 points for the copy editor for finding an apt rhyme for "Tlusty "in a headline)

Now, if I'm going to be reading about leaked nude shots of a celebrity, it better be Natalie Portman or the chick from Smallville - but that's not really why I'm posting this.

Check out this tasty nugget from reporter (and in Full House terms, giant "nerd bomber") Steve Simmons:

The Tlusty story is just the most recent example of youth tripping over technology and celebrity all at the same time. This has happened with people more famous, like Paris Hilton, and less famous, like the Saugeen stripper a few years back at the University of Western Ontario.

Ahh. 2 years out and my girl can still make headlines, in the sports section no less. I wonder how many times Simmons reviewed the Saugeen photos before including the mention. Though that raises the question: how many times has he reviewed the Tlusty pics?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

2.3 points for Doug Smith

Great line from the BeatGrog today:

Will be nice to get a practice the day before the only Jazz visit of the season and not have to ask anyone about Hoffa.

Will be nice not to have to read about the answer.

An apples to morons comparison

Damien Cox thought "SpyGate" was no big deal. He also thinks the tiff between Darcy Tucker and Sean Avery is no big deal.

First it was Bill Belichick and SpyGate. I understood that he was breaking rules; I just also understood that stealing the other guy's signals was what every team was trying to do on a regular basis.

Or why would they need secret signals?

Not with secret cameras, they don't. And if they do, they should be found and penalized. NOT having secret cameras is not the same as forcing Tom Brady to yell "I'm passing it to Randy!"

Now everybody's up in arms about Sean Avery after Saturday night's Rangers-Leafs game, and to be sure, this is a juicy story.

But outrage? I don't think so.

Peel away all the rhetoric and here's what you have: two guys pushed and shoved during the pre-game warmup, said nasty things to each other and then fought during the first period.

Big deal.

I agree with you completely! I'm not exactly sure who is outraged but if there are such people, they're dumb dumbs. You can lip read enough disgusting trash talking in the NHL to make Andrew Dice Clay blush. In a league where dudes get carried out on stretchers nightly, the talk is going to turn to nationality, race, disease and things you can but shouldn't do to grandmothers. The story is juicy because hockey fans love violent drama and because hockey has been so goddam boring save the huge, dirty hits.

There are 6 more paragraphs trying to analogize a covert cheating story and a name-calling during a fight story, to no avail. But good try, Coxy.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Fuck you Peter Gammons - I love my garage!

This is what we call a contrast post. It contrasts beautifully with the one below it. Here is how not to write a human interest story.

Want to know about winners? Pedroia gave up his scholarship at Arizona State to free up money to sign a much-needed pitcher, so when the Sun Devils reached the College World Series, coaches and players had "DP" on their caps in honor of their leader who never got to Omaha. The sabermetrics guys in their garages never understand these things.

Dustin Pedroia made an honourable decision here and he deserves to be commended for it. However, what the fuck is up with that last line? What is there to understand? Since I have a guess, I will make that guess and then analyze the position Mr. Gammons has taken. Petey is stating that having Dustin Pedroia on your team is a huge boost because he is a "good guy". Clearly, his excellent behaviour is worth at least 10 wins per season (which contrasts with Manny Ramirez whose lack of hustle and misinterpreted comments cost the team at least 12 wins). But you know why else Dustin Pedroia is a good guy to have on your team? Because the guy plays one of the most difficult positions in baseball very well and had a 112 OPS+ in his rookie season. He also made a whopping $380,000. End of argument.



You had me at free socks

We, here at FDS, must remember to showcase good sports writing as well as a reminder there is still hope in the world.

Dave Feschuk may be the only Toronto sports writer who can write human interest stories that are more interesting than cheesy.

A tasty little quotable from Derrick Martin on payday in the NBA:

"It never gets old," said Martin, speaking of the joy the 15th and 30th bring. "Especially when you've got kids. They get expensive."

Good thing their daddy gets paid $1 million a year to wear a suit and pat guys on the ass.

From the department of hypothetical good things Pinball Clemons might do

Should we change the name of this blog to Fire Damien Cox already?

From his The Spin blog (also, if you haven't yet, read the description of the blog)

Cox inexplicably pleads with Mike Clemons to stay in Toronto (was he leaving?) and demonstrating Clemons' goodguyness by postulating that had Pinball been the Minnesota Vikings' coach, he not only would have gave Troy Williamson a pass to go to his grandmother's funeral, he would have helped him plan it!

I guess when you read a story like this one about the Vikings, a franchise that has disgraced itself repeatedly in recent years, you understand that having a real man, a man who has his priorities straight, is an incredible treasure for GTA sporting scene.

Interesting to note, if Clemons was in a prize fight against Evander Holyfield, instead of biting Mr. Holyfield's ear off he would bake him cookies and rotate his tires.

Update: I had to add the description since it is too good.

Damien Cox, the Star's hockey columnist and associate sports editor takes turns stirring up trouble and chuckling at the foibles of the sporting world. He'll start with hockey, Canada's ongoing passion play, and stick his nose into a few other games and places where athletes reside. You'll love some of his thoughts, hate others and get a chance to give your two cents on all of them.

I want Damien's nose deep in basketball. And bowling.