Big men are treated differently in the NBA, held to different standards and weighted down with different expectations.
We lionize the triple-double, see Jason Kidd pile up points and rebounds and assists, watch Kobe Bryant light up an opponent by the way he scores and dishes and gobbles up errant shots.
Damn us for liking good basketball players/performances.
And what of the centres? Of the power forwards? Of the large gentlemen who turn passes into assists? What's a Dwight Howard get? Or a Chris Bosh? Or an Amare Stoudemire? The guys to whom double-figure assists are a week's worth rather than a night's?
Let's take the LEAST heralded player from your woe-is-big list. Chris bosh averaged 22.6 and 10.7 last season (for a double-double), was an All-Star starter, led his team to the Atlantic Division title and signed an extension that will allow him to comfortably wipe his ass with $100 bills for the rest of his life.
The boy just can't get no respect, yo!
How about a Big Man Triple-Double? How about points, rebounds and free throws made as a way to give them the statistical props guards and small forwards get. Isn't that contribution, which means they are piling up points, doing their work on the boards as well as being able to stay in close games without being a free-throw liability, as good as any points-rebounds-assists triple double?
Fuck the heck? Triple-doubles, elusive as they are, are reserved for outstanding performances usually by players with extremely high VORPs in a category, like Jason Kidd's rebounding or LeBron James' passing. Oscar Robertson, famously averaged a triple-double 5 times in his outstanding career, something that will never be repeated in modern basketball. Some people thought LeBron might do it. He will not. Even Magic Johnson never averaged a triple-double.
I digress... Triple-doubles are typically calculated with points-rebounds-assists but in rare performances, 10 steals can happen and be substituted. 10 blocks is fairly unheard of which may be why Doug Smith feels he must stand up for the big man. But who the fuck cares? There's lots of amazing feats that happen to only particular players (averaging a double-double is possible for about 3 guards but a big man on almost every team does it) It's also a stat that's cool because it's cool. What I mean is, while it's indicative of a good versatile performance, it's not the only (or most statistically relevant) measures. Calculating ridiculous things into multiples of 10 makes it all less cool.
"Sounds good to me," Bosh said yesterday.
Having a big man who can make free throws is almost as important as anything else on a team with aspirations of success. It means he can play in crunch time, it means he can mess up an opponent's rhythm and his night. It means he's making another contribution.
Yeah, Doug. Making free throws is good. But, those 10 made free throws are points. 10 points. We already counted the 10 points. Remember the first 'double'? Sure, an extra 10 points is nice. 20 is better than 10. If we like multiples so much, let's call a 20-10 performance a "super double-double". Or 30-15 with 10 of those rebounds being offensive boards a "you rock the party that rocks the party" double-double. Or a double-double x2.
"To be in the game down the end, you can be up two and going to the free-throw line with 10 seconds left. You can ice the game," Bosh said.
Clutch free throw shooting. Still really good.
In the more than 300 NBA games through Sunday night, there were only 24 Big Man Triple-Doubles, accomplished by a group of just 14. There are some interlopers – like swingmen Corey Maggette of the Clippers and Richard Jefferson of the Nets – but it is a list for centres and power forwards.
Interlopers? You made up that damn demarcation explicitly to recognize big men and it still doesn't work. That's like letting men try out for the WNBA - what the fuck is the point?
That's a group that's been historically weak at the free-throw line – we offer Wilt Chamberlain and Shaquille O'Neal as evidence – but there's really no reason for it.
You think gigantic freak-of-nature athletes who can block shots 14 feet in the air and destroy backboards are just too lazy to shoot free throws like Reggie Miller? It would be nice if they could, but averaging 50 points a game is pretty good too. Or winning 4 rings.
"I think it's a lot of confidence," Bosh said. "A lot of times people will tell you you're big and you can't shoot and that kind of bleeds over into free throws. It's not that you don't believe in yourself, it's that you've been hearing this and you're kind of programmed for that.
"Anybody can make free throws with practice. It just takes time."
The impact of a big who can make shots from the line can't be understated. How many times have fans watched O'Neal sitting on the bench in the dying seconds of a close game because his coach can't afford to have him on the court and be fouled?
It's true. No squadruple-doubles for Shaq.
Charlotte lost a game this season in large part because coach Sam Vincent left Emeka Okafor – a career 59 per cent foul shooter – on the court in the final seconds of a close game against Boston. The Celtics didn't have to cover him, a teammate didn't want to throw him a pass because if he caught it, he'd be fouled. A forced pass to another Bobcat was intercepted and led directly to a winning shot.
I dunno, but maybe, just maybe, there are other things Emeka can do that allowed Charlotte to even compete with the Boston Celtics?
"You want to be able to play your best bigs (but) they have to be able to make the shots," Toronto coach Sam Mitchell said.
Howard is a case in point the other way. He shot 59 per cent from the line in each of his first two seasons, has become much more adept of late (67 per cent last year, 62 today) which means he plays more, scores more and his team wins more.
Big men shooting free throws well - it's very nice. A value-added service. Making shots is better than not making shots. Almost always.
"That puts a lot more pressure on the defence late in a game, he has to be out there," Mitchell said.
Racking up those new triple-doubles, ones reserved primarily for the big guys.
You do not get to make up a new stat, even for fun, Doug Smith. Not only is it stupid and redundant (what if he goes 10/20 from the line, huh Doug?) it doesn't even fit the category of people you were manipulating it to fit.
You're so awful, I think writing this is giving me an ulcer.
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