The Grunty Man Can!

From Mail grog:

Q: Could you provide me one reason as to why I should look forward to next season and continue to follow the team this year? Thanks.

John V, Markham

A: No, and I don’t really care whether you do or not. That’s your decision, this is my job and I’ve got to do it whether you look forward to next season or not. Please don’t confuse me with a season-ticket salesman.

-

Q: Doug Smith, I would like you to admit that the 2008-2009 Toronto Raptors season is over! They will not make the playoffs and quite frankly, do not deserve to. They look like they have given up. This has taught me a lesson (especially watching tonight)...NEVER GIVE UP!

Eric M, Toronto

A: The season is not over, there are 25 games left to play and it will end most likely on April 15. Of course, it won’t end then for me. And, frankly, whether you or anyone thinks it’s “over” is of quite little consequence to me because I still have to do my job.

Okay, now sing with me, to the tune of "The Candy Man" from Willy Wonka:

Who can take a question?
And turn it into poo.
An innocent little question.
Such an easy thing to do.

The Grunty Man can. (The Grunty Man can)
The Grunty Man can because he doesn't understand like a sports writer shoooooould.

Okay, this one to the tune of the "Oompa Loompa" song:

Beat grunt, meat blunt, blippity bee.
I've got another question for thee.
What do you get when you ask for questions?
Then get offended when your readers ask some.
Is it because you don't know much about the team?
Or are you just a bitter man?