Dip-sticking back into Doug's mailbag

That title didn't make any sense. I'm sorry.

We got a couple positive comments on the whole thieving Doug's mail questions and answering them thing. Thanks for that. Thanks to DrunkJaysFan for the style that we're cramping. Thanks to God.

So here's the deal. I copied questions DS's last mailbag post without reading Doug's responses, and will provide real, non-nincompoop answers. But I'm filtering basketball questions only, so I'll be skipping the ones where loyal fans ask Doug about his bowel movements. Cool?

Q: Hi Doug. I am going to try to have two questions answered for the price of one.

First: if I am correct, you seem to imply that it is not clear whether the Raps should keep Reggie given that they already have a glut of bigs. But when I see his performances since he has returned and consider how well the Raps were playing before he got hurt, I don't really see why they should even think twice before offering him a contract. After all, he's become one of the top rebounders in the league (at least if stats are to be believed) and he brings the defensive presence the Raps miss so badly. What's your take on this?

Second: I really think that basketball is a beautiful sport to watch (movements, creativity, etc.). What's your take on that? What do you think makes basketball so special? What would be your top 5 of the sports you find "aesthetically pleasing" to watch?

Ooops, there are more than 2 questions in my message, sorry about that.

Keep up the good work.

Regards

Matthieu B, Bern, Switzerland

On this issue, Matthieu, we're both neutral. (Get it? Switzerland? Neutral?) But seriously, folks.

I'm of two minds on the Reggie issue. On the one hand, re-signing Reggie projects to be an expensive proposition. I doubt he'll take a pay-cut from his mid-level area deal and his Rodman-like performance when healthy this year should be enough to keep demand high. He's also 30 and due to regress. But the biggest issue holding me back from fully endorsing four more years of Reggie is that the power forward spot is the one position on this team that doesn't worry me. Some combination of Ed Davis and Amir Johnson will be occupying that floor space for years to come, and though he might be let go in the off-season, Joey Dorsey has shown the ability to rebound and defend in limited minutes. In short, there's a glut. Ideally, the money that could be spent on Reggie should be allocated to positions where the Raptors can replace worse players with better ones. A barrel scraping team should be shoring up on cap space and selling it for players with value, cross fingers on the draft or just plain go at it cheaply for a while.

That said... I think I re-sign him. I'll enumerate why.

1. The Raps need the most immediate help at the 2, 3 and 5. They are in blind love with DeMar and Andrea and therefore don't understand that they need help at the 2 and 5. That leaves the 3. Maybe King Colangelo (and at this point I just assume he sticks around forever and ever) targets Kirilenko or Matt Barnes. But probably not. So the smart money is on this team not knowing what to do with smart money.
2. PF glut aside, since no savior centre is on the horizon, the Raps will still need a four-man big rotation and I'll just have to hope that Bargnani somehow gets buried under a pile of pasta.(Seriously, can we find a dump truck, fill it with pasta and drop the payload on him? This isn't racist, by the way -- the dude does pasta commercials.) I think beggars can't be choosers in these troubled times and if all our good players play the same position, so be it. I believe Reggie's trade value in two years is higher than Linas Kleiza's right now. 
3. I honestly, with my whole heart believe Bryan Colangelo understands basketball talent about as well as dogs understand calculus. I think that the resources he saves by letting go of Reggie Evans most likely go to pay an awful player. I'd love for the Raptors to focus on selling Barbosa or Kleiza for a can of magic beans but I don't see it happening... so go with the rebounder you know.
4. Holy shit, this was long.
5. "(at least if stats are to be believe)" I see what you're doing there Mattheiu (which I assume rhymes with a sneeze) you're trying to make me angry. It won't work.

Oh, and blah, blah, basketball is a beautiful, graceful game. It's Swan Lake in Nikes.

Q: Hey Doug. I was at the Friday night game at the O2 and was quite pleasantly surprised with the atmosphere. For me, I was quite anxious to see how James Johnson fitted into the Raptors... earlier, you had mentioned that JJ would grab a rebound and push the ball up the court as a point forward and that this was a luxury that the Raptors have never had. However, in watching JJ during the match, he did this a few times and each time he was way out of control, often leaving his feet on passes or holding the ball too long on the wing. So is this point forward thing something Jay wants or is this JJ trying to impress quickly on a new team?

And after a few games, what do you think of JJ overall and his future with the team?

Felix T, Loughbrough, UK

Thanks, Felix from most Britishy-sounding village ever. And kudos to you for attending the game. You'll be able to tell your grandkids about the historic Nets vs. Raptors Battle of Brittain 2011. Good show.

What do I think about James Johnson? With an obvious sample-size caveat, I'm pretty okay with his play. Defends and rebounds decently and is an above-average shot blocker. Needs to shoot better (or, barring that, shoot less). I don't see appreciable differences between Julian Wright and him but I assume only one of them will be returning to back up Kleiza (a part of my soul dies every time I write his name). I wouldn't mind if  both stuck around but I think it will depend on what happens in the draft.

Q: Derrick Rose's SAT Scores Wipe Out Memphis' Record 38-Win Season. He cheated on his SAT by letting somebody sit to take the exam for him.

Under the NBA one year eligibility rule, he is ineligible to play in the NBA. All the Chicago Bulls win must be invalidated also to be fare with the other NBA teams. A rule is a rule, and there must be no exception just because you are Derrick Rose.

Angel B, Mississauga

It seems like a lot of strippers write into this mailbag, but anyways, thanks for your question, Angel. I love your work out by the airport. I should peek at Doug's response to gauge whether this is a joke or not. Let's assume it is. So I don't feel even worse for a stripper.

There's another question about whether a player has to finish his year on college so I guess some clarification is required: AIN'T NO ONE NEED TO GO TO NO COLLEGE. Thanks.

Q: Doug: Is Doug short for Douglas?

Justin S, Sudbury

And there we have it. The grandest question of them all.

Q: Doug, with the minor struggles of the Heat, there has been a lot of talk about having players that complement each other on a team. Even with the solid play of James Johnson, it appears that the biggest need on the Raptors is Small Forward. Can you describe the type of 3 that would fit this team moving forward and complement the pieces that are already here? There are some 3s with very different styles in the draft but we all know you don't touch the draft in early March. However, it would be interesting to hear what you think this team presently lacks from the Small Forward position.

Evan G, Thornhill

Gee, Evan. Players complement each other by playing better. Sorry, that was snide for no reason at all. I love Thornhill. First, what the Raptors "need" in a small forward is for another team to take Kleiza off their hands, or barring that, a giant cannon so he can be launched into the atmosphere. After that? Above average shooting and rebounding. I've always liked Josh Childress. or LeBron.

[I'm skipping a juicy question about "clutchness." I hope Doug has recognized that David Eckstein is the clutchiest player in any and all leagues including the NBA.]

Q: Hey Doug, how bout them Raptors?

Considering this seems to be the most cohesive group of heroes in years, who is least likely to be back and why?

In Sonny's case, does being bosom buddies with DD give him a demonstrable edge to keep the seemingly melancholy (of late) Compton kid happy in Canada?

Does Reggie's toughness & effort get him a new deal, or do they look at Chandler or another free-agent with more size to go with the three fours they have?

Is Jose back as the leader at PG, is Bayless still seen with upside, or do they look at a draft pick or veteran to replace either?

What's the hunger level for a three with Klieza out and no proven player or prospect at the position?

Wright, Alibi, Ajinca, Dorsey, any love in the organization for these guys?

In short, is this a drastically different team next year, or are the kids alright?

James K, Toronto

Do you write promos for Sportsnet Connected, James? Okay, I'll give it a go. This time I'll employ the ancient art of bullet points:

• I'm assuming none of the free agents will be back and will be replaced by other inconsequential players. I'd like to see Reggie and Joey Dorsey return. I wouldn't mind Julian Wright on the bench for the minimum. I don't give a shit about Sonny Weems, or any of the 7 foot nothings. Of the players under contract, I'd love to see Barbosa, Kleiza, Bargnani and DeRozan traded. The only one of those guys who would potentially be moved is Barbosa but I'd fear it would be for an even worse player with an even worse contract.
• Nobody cares who DeMar DeRozan's friends are and if they do, they shouldn't be allowed to run a basketball team.
• See first question on Reggie. Wilson Chandler is restricted and I want no part in him.
• Jose Calderon should not be moved. I'm not saying there isn't value deals to be made for him, but I am saying is that the Raptors are incapable of finding one. I'm torn about Bayless. When he arrived, I wasn't convinced he was an NBA player. Now, I'll consider that he has potential but ideally as a third, not second point guard. But, considering how Jarrett Jack fell off a cliff this year, I'm not unhappy with the PG situation. 
• The "hunger level" for a 3 with Kleiza in is at orange. Or mango. Maybe Grant Hill would like finish his career in Toronto? Maybe?
• As for Alibi and Ajinca, I accept that most every team needs a 7 foot nothing on the end of the bench because talented centres are just in too short a supply. So one of them can return. At random, I'll pick Ajinca because it's slightly more fun to say. I wouldn't mind Wright returning and I definitely want Dorsey's shoulders. I mean... nothing.
• This team is not drastically different next year because it owns too little of perceived value. Unless they dangle Bargnani. Please, lordy, let them dangle Bargnani.

[Okay, even I'm getting bored and I'm a gigantic basketball nerd (my nerdom is gigantic, I'm rather unassuming]

There's a question about Danilo Gallinari. I don't hate him. Gets to the line at a very good rate, rebounds well. Better than Kleiza. 

In summary, I hate Kleiza. Also Bargnani. But I love me some mailbag.

I'm an F-minue-minus?

I'm a Bill Simmons fan. I've read both his books (even lugging the 700 page Book of Basketball around Central America in a backpack) I've read the columns for five or six years and I catch the podcast when I can. I really like his stuff. But (surprised there's a 'but?') the guy is completely and irrationally hostile to basketball statistics. And Carmelo Anthony has become the de rigeur "pure scorerererer" poster boy for why nerds live in their parent's basement. So for the next few hundred words, Bill, we're not friends.

PEOPLE WHO DON'T REALIZE THAT CARMELO IS A LEGITIMATE SUPERSTAR: F-minus-minus

One of the strangest subplots this week: Everyone rushing to pick Carmelo's game apart, especially people who rely on advanced metrics and ended up getting caught up in small-picture stuff. Carmelo has one elite skill (he rebounds extremely well for a small forward) and one transcendent skill (he's as good as anyone in the league at scoring and/or getting to the line, especially in crunch time). You can absolutely, positively, unquestionably win a championship if Carmelo Anthony is your creator at the end of a basketball game. The Knicks didn't have anyone like that. Few teams do.




I guess, it's true. Anthony is a decent rebounder. Slightly better than Wilson Chandler  but not as good as, say, Matt Barnes. I'd be better convinced if he grabbed a few more offensive boards, but I will give it up. Good rebounder. We're agreeing. This is good. I'm a fan, remember?




But he's a transcendent scorer? We're really still talking "scorer?" It's 2011. The dude takes 20 shots a game, makes 45% of them. Taking 20 shots is a transcendent skill? Enough of this shit. He's a good player, above average. But transcendent scorer? LeBron James is a transcendent scorer. Dwight Howard is a transcendent scorer (he just does it from within 3 feet), Anthony's just okie dokie.




And please give me a motherfuckin' break on this crunch time thing. We've all seen the stat by now that says Carmelo is the numero uno "crunch time" shooter, he shoots 2% better than the #2 guy, Chris Paul. At 47%, he shoots closer to a respectable rate trailing by two or less with 24 seconds left in the game. And what's the sample size on this study? 21 shots on 44 attempts. So, we're talking 2 games worth of shots for Carmelo and three misses away from his average clip. Did Bill miss the point of that article? I'll summarize thusly: run your normal offence in crunch time, if you play the triangle -- run it. The bullshit about crunch time is based on some (wait, I already used "bullshit") cowcrap that the one-on-three isolation plays Kobe adores are stupid, stupid strategy. Carmelo Anthony's transcendent skill is being King of the Stupids? What else, Bill?


Now throw this in: He's only 26.

True. We're probably in the midst of his peak. I would venture to guess he will not decline in the next three years he's extended. We agree again! Score! We can be friends again soon!


Now throw this in: Ten guys started the 2011 All-Star Game. In a 30-team league, the Knicks suddenly have two of them.


Billllllll!!!! I mean, Billlllllll!!!!!! Bill, the fans voted Amar'e and Carmelo into that game. You want to give me an F-minus-minus because I may take issue in the integrity of fan voting for the All Star game? Yao fucking Ming.



Now throw this in: The other players know. They know who's good. They know who's worth a damn. They know who they'd go to war with. So you can't discount (A) how well Carmelo played on the 2008 Olympic team; (B) how much the other guys respected him; and (C) how the key guys on that team were Kobe, LeBron, Wade and Carmelo. It can't be forgotten. It just can't. Neither can the fact that he nearly carried a limited Nuggets team to the Finals two years ago.




There's so much flowery yet vague praise here I need to sit down for a minute... But I think we can thank the Billups for Iverson trade for the strength of that team. Anthony, whether you look at important stats or go-to-war stats like PPG, had an off-year in 08-09. Blarg?


Now throw this in: If there was ever a player who could be ignited by a great basketball city and a consistently fantastic crowd, it's Carmelo Anthony. He's been stuck in a relatively icy cruise control for two solid years, playing in a city he didn't totally love, being professional about it, trying hard every game ... and yet, there was something detached about him. No longer. I hate how he weaseled his way to the Knicks and pissed on Denver fans, but that's over. Let's look at this thing objectively: He's going to kill it with the Knicks. I'd bet anything. 



To anyone who honestly and sincerely thinks players play better because the crowd in New York will, in some measurable way, enjoy basketball more than Denver fans, I have a fantastic investment opportunity you don't want to miss.


They haven't had someone like this since Bernard King, which is funny because I always thought Melo was Bernard 2.0. Playing in New York isn't for everyone, but in this case, it will be the best thing that ever happened to Carmelo Anthony.


Bernard King? Please make an Alex English, Bob McAdoo or Iverson comparison to complete the universe.



I keep hearing that you can't win a title with Melo and Amare. Agreed. But you can win the title with Carmelo, Amare and Chris Paul (or Dwight Howard, or Deron Williams).


This argument reminds me of watching breakfast cereal commercials as a kid. You know, the "Cap'n Crunch is part of complete breakfast!" ones where they show the cereal box next to a piece of toast, a grapefruit, and a glass of orange juice? Carmelo, you are Cap'n Crunch!


In the short term, you can make some noise, rock the building and make Knicks fans forget about the 10 excruciating years they just endured. And you can scare the living hell out of the fans from the other Eastern contenders. Believe me, as a Celtics fan, I want no part of the Knicks this spring for one reason: You never want to play a playoff series in which the other team has the best guy. There's a decent chance Carmelo could just go off 1984 Bernard-style in Round 1 or Round 2. I'm crapping my pants just thinking about it. Over everything else, THAT is why they had to make this trade. A week ago, the Knicks were a .500 team. Now, they matter. And if you're throwing stats at me, I'll counter with this one: 15 for 15. Thank you and please drive through.


They're still a .500 team. Maybe .520? Again, thanks in large part to your friend Chauncey. Bill, you know stat-hate leads to wrinkles AND unintentional comedy.  I'm worried about your skin and your catchphrases. I'm a fan!!!!!!!!!!

Stealing blog gimmicks, the epitome of class

So this blog is on hiatus -- that's what my last post said, right? Right. But I've been reading a lot (A LOT) of drunkjaysfans recently as the prospect of the impending baseball season is the only light at the end of the proverbial tunnel of ice, sleet and Raptor embarrassment. Stoeten does this great thing where he answers Richard Griffin's mailbag questions, answers unseen.

And since this blog has a monthly readership of -3 people (okay, maybe a few spam bots looking for email addresses to peddle misspelled erectile dysfunction pills) and there's nothing on TV but Justin Bieber tributes, I'm diving into the Doug Smith mailbag. If this doesn't work out, I promise to send you a pithy Valentine as compensation.

Q: Hi Doug. I hope you don't mind a non-Raptors question about a certain star coach in the news: Jerry Sloan.



Most of the talk surrounding him is that he's lost the confidence and ears of his players, but it seems obvious to me that he's quitting now, so that he'll have a better chance to win by replacing Phil Jackson when he retires.
So with all your insight on the league, I ask you: Is this truly Jerry Sloan's swan song, or is he just setting himself up for the best chance at a championship?


Thanks a-plenty

Charlie D, Montreal

I'm not sure why Charlie D (love your strip club, by the way) thinks DS has any insight here. Maybe Jerry Sloan was tired of babysitting petulant millionaires who'd never been coached until they landed on the Jazz, maybe he wanted more time to bird watch. Insofar as coaches can be "good" I think Sloan passed the test. His teams consistently won, despite the fact that they play in Utah and many of their fans wear magic underwear.


The flex offense encourages inside play, passing and a lack of stupid shit that leads to turnovers. The Jazz would have probably been awesome this season if it weren't for the fact that Deron Williams is the only NBA-calibre guard on that team.  Sorry, what was the question? Is Jerry Sloan going to stalk the Lakers job? Let's say no, okay Charlie?  Now pump some Def Lepperd, I have a pocket full of loonies I can't wait to deposit in Josiee's g-string.








[Skipping trivia questions. Have Smitty's readers yet to discover Google?]

Q: Hey Doug! Read the blog every day and always enjoy when you let us know of different anniversaries of the day. I was just wondering though, when is the Raptor Blog's Birthday? More importantly, is it what you thought it would be when you first envisioned it?

We appreciate all the hard work Doug!

Steve T, Ajax

Glad to see Super Son finally got one of his questions in the mailbag. Why the pseudonym, "Steve" from "Ajax? If this blog were to have a birthday, I nominate Remembrance Day (Veteran's Day in the US) because if you read it for too long, you may consider enlisting for combat. 

 Oh wait, I'm supposed to cross out Doug's name and pretend these questions were addressed to me. Fuck. I knew I'd mess this up.

No, "Steve," when daddy started writing this pile of goat shit, I never believed the Toronto Star and you, dear readers, would ever let him carry on this long. For shame.

[Some long-winded soliloquy disguised as a question that I couldn't bear to read to the end. Shit, the next one's even long-windier. I can't skip two in a row. Goddamn]

Q: Hey Doug. I posted this in the comments this week and you didn't have time to answer then so I thought I'd try again here, as this is likely a better place to ask this kind of question. And since they will have just left town, it rates as somewhat timely:

Brandon Roy is poised to return to action for Portland, and the fact the Trail Blazers have posted a winning record in his absence, prompted me to look up their current active roster to see if it was readily apparent why their record is significantly better than the Raptors. They have experienced a similar injury profile this season (worse over the last couple of years) to the heart of what was supposed to be a promising young team. When I look at the Blazers rotation made up of LaMarcus Aldridge, Wes Matthews, Nic Batum, Joel Przybilla, Andre Miller, Rudy Fernandez and Patrick Mills it really makes me wonder how they've managed. I think if you concede that LaMarcus Aldridge is better than Bargnani (which is debatable, but for the sake of this comparison I'm willing to do) I'm still hard-pressed to see that rotation as appreciably better than the Raps.

So first, between the Blazer group or the Raptors current 8 man rotation which do you think is better?

And second, to what would you attribute the relative success of these Trail Blazers, given their injury woes and having to play in the Western Conference.


Richard E, Toronto 

Is Richard in Toronto on E? I know I'm not supposed to peek at Doug's answers but I did so fuck you. Doug chalks the Blazers success up to experience followed by big-gameness followed by coaching. Good show, old boy!

Here's the deal, Dick E: LaMarcus Aldridge is the Blazers third-best centre this season (and fourth-best if you take a longer view). Andre Miller has never, ever, ever had an unproductive season, Nicholas Batum is better than any swing the Raptors have employed since the first season of Anthony Parker and they have MOTHERFUCKING MARCUS CAMBY!!! (tm)

Hey, Rich. If you're going to make a snide, "Andrea Bargnani is better than..." quip and the end of said quip isn't "Earl Barron" you should probably shut your MDMA-popping, phallicly-named mouth.

[More trivia. I am not joking]

Q: Hi Doug, this isn't a Raptors question but a Kevin Garnett question. I just read he cursed out Spike Lee at a Knicks game. He allegedly made comments about Charlie V being a cancer patient early in the year and a couple of weeks ago he punched a guy in the groin during a game.

Is there any kind of cumulative action discipline in the NBA for this type of behaviour

It seems like no one wants to say anything bad or do anything about KG.

Jeff F, Toronto


Yup. Garnett's totally a douche.


[You won't believe this but more trivia]






Q: Hey Doug. Karl Malone was on NBATV discussing Coach Sloan's abrupt departure, when he mentioned that he wants to carry on Jerry Sloan's coaching legacy. Chauncey Billups has also expressed interest in a front office job with the Nuggets. What level star do you have to be before you can just start asking management for those coveted jobs. Do you think it affects coaches and scouts and GM's who put in years before they reach any position of real importance?


Tilak J, Buffalo


The real question is do you feel comfortable putting your favourite team's precious cap space in the hands of Chauncey Billups as he does battle with top NBA agents? I thought the whole point of NBA TV was to give these guys "jobs" and keep them out of important, possibly team-killing positions.




Q: I have followed the team for many years but the expectations have hit an all time low. Since this season seems to have gone South what would be the best way to go in the draft? Assuming no work stoppage/top 4 pick, trade down and go for volume or keep the top pick and hope for a difference maker? I know you think it's way to early but it's been that type of year.


John P, Vernon Hills




Vernon Hills sounds mostly made up, John P. Did your town once have an outstanding season and sign an ass-gapingly disgusting contract? Doug has a history of excellent draft insight so I feel almost bad I'm not reading his answer to this one. Okay, we're assuming a decently high draft pick? And, I suppose, assuming King Colangelo is still pillaging and plundering this team?


Obvious disclaimer is I follow very little college basketball and know shit-all about any of the prospects this year. So I'm speaking only from an understanding of the history of shoot-from-the-hip drafting and assurances this year's crop is going to be poor due to the lockout.


Here's what Bry Bry wants to do. Draft a European. He'll be a jump-shooting, 6'10 four, despite the fact that the only position with depth on the Raptors is PF. This draftee's career will mimic Yi Jianlian's, yet BC will sign him to a max extension and the Raps will not win a playoff game until 2023. DraftExpress is indicating a Swiss-born, currently ineligible Kentucky player, Enes Kanter, may fit the description.


Here's what the Raptors should do:


Option 1) Clear, no-brainer pick at our draft position who actually projects to be an NBA player, not some chuckster who happened to get to the Sweet Sixteen. If the player plays anything but PF, keep him.


2) Trade down. Learn how to draft for value and draft the next Landry Fields... Okay, when you've stopped laughing at the prospect of BC learning, we can continue. We have immediate needs at the two, three and five. Offer Andrea Bargnani to anyone for anything. I'd trade him for a sesame seed bagel. Even a poppyseed bagel.


3) Package that sexy, high draft pick for some players, even if it's to sweeten a deal to send DeRozan, Kleiza, Barbosa or Bargnani out. Hey Andre Iguodala, I'd bet you'd love Tim Hortons!


Three strategies. No chance of any of them being employed.


[Well, fuck the heck. There's, like, 16 more bullshit trivia questions and I have to go to sleep. This was a bad idea. Valentines are in the mail.]

On hiatus

I know the vitriolic, snarky sports journalism criticism-osphere has been mourning the vacuum left by the lack of FDS posts in the last, say, year.

The truth is we just kind of got busy and tired. Busy with lives, tired of mocking the good mock against our friend Douglas and his ilk.

So, this is so long for for now... Until the next time Stephen A. Smith makes us want to jam a fork in our eye socket.

I'm on Twitter at www.twitter.com/BitterRaptorFan

Halfpipe: Cowabunga!

Fire Jamie Campbell. To think I actually felt bad for the guy after Rogers opened the trap door and flushed him out of the Jays broadcast booth. Then these Olympics started and someone in the Canadian Olympic Consortium of Media Conglomerates and Synergistic Industries, Ltd. Inc. decided that a man with so much un-ironic awkward energy, he makes Michael Cera look like Michael Jordan, should announce the "we're cool too" co-opted X-Games sports.

It started and just about ended when while calling a nifty little gem someone with dreadlocks decided to call Snowboard Cross, Jame Jame exclaims to his analyst, "this sport is rad."

We're sure his research for this assignment centred around this.

Doug Smith is a beat grunt of nuance

ZGall1 is phoning this one in from the Southern Hemisphere.

Saw this on True Hoop's First Cup

Doug Smith of the Toronto Star: "Stats, and the analysis of them, do have a place in pro sports but there is a tendency -- as this corner sees it, at least -- to give them far, far too much weight. Basketball, in particular, is a game of nuance, of chemistry between the players on the court, of one guy rising to the occasion one night and another the next. It's all well and good to study stats but it's a game that requires more study of people than numbers. The Raptors may indeed finish lower than sixth in the Eastern Conference -- although it's a stretch to suggest they're a worse team than Miami or even Philadelphia, in the opinion of many -- but to suggest that will occur after studying stats requires a grand leap of faith."

It was preceded by this quote:

Jonathan Feigen of the Houston Chronicle: "Modesty might prevent admitting that it has taken years for the stat crew members at Toyota Center -- most often Tony Stick, Tracy Clayton, Ken Nicholas and Mann -- to hone their art to the point that not only were they the only NBA crew the league did not correct last season, they inspire raves from noted statistics aficionado and Rockets general manager Daryl Morey. Morey considers their work so vital that he is sending his veterans back to Hidalgo to work with the Rio Grande Valley Vipers. It won't be the only trip of the season. The NBA flew the Rockets crew to Las Vegas to work the 2007 All-Star Game and annually flies it to other All-Star festivities, with the local crew handling the game. 'They're in the front lines for us in terms of helping evaluating what we're doing on the floor,' Morey said. 'They were the only stat crew in the NBA last year that didn't have a mistake. They track everything that happens from an event perspective. They get it right, and they get it right the first time, and that allows us to get to the coaches early evaluations. That feedback right away often becomes the most valuable.' "

Doug Smith, go suck a @!*#, you ignorant !&$@.

Someone else wants to FDS?

Too bad it's the New York Post which is to newspapers what Lune Moons are to dessert.

More considered negotiation advice from DS

He whiffed with Anthony Parker but maybe the poetic prose of Douglas Moneybags Smith can entice the Raptor brass to write Carlos Delfino that blank cheque that any decent Argentinian chucker deserves:

I’d probably draw the line at a three-year deal worth about $15 million total for Delfino but I’m not sure I’d fully guarantee that last year and for Rasho I’d give him two years at the biannual exception.

While you're at it Doug, can you devote a couple of blog lines to how Fire Doug Smith should at least win a Pullitzer with an option for a Caldecott (we love kiddies!).

Doug Smith: Appraises like he journalizes

I would think a two-year deal at somewhere around $9 or $10 million – the same salary he made last year – with perhaps a third year option would be logical jumping off point.

Elsewhere in Doug Smith's fantasy world, Big Macs are priced at a svelte $900 per. Offering any less for a special sauce-slathered beef explosion would be an insult to one of the all-time classiest manwiches, a real burger's burger...

Greased-up metaphors aside, do you realize that if Doug Smith ran the Raptors, they'd be over the luxury tax and have four players on the roster? And one of those players would be Jorge Garbejosa's corpse?

Weapons of Mass Status Quo

From Grog:

Given what their options were – renounce everyone, get space, hope to get a significant free agent – deciding to kind of stay the course makes by far the most sense to me.

From Bush:

With just two weeks until Election Day, the White House sought to ease political anxieties over security in Iraq — most notably by no longer saying the United States will "stay the course" in Iraq — but rejected calls from lawmakers for a dramatic policy shift.

White House press secretary Tony Snow said Monday the phrase "stay the course" doesn't capture the "dynamism" of the tactics America and its allies are employing.

"He stopped using it," Snow said of that phrase.

As you know, you play basketball with the team you have, not the team you might want or wish to have...

...

...

Unless, of course, you just do.